Something's been missing this season from Batgirl's life and that something is Twins poetry. Therefore, Team Batgirl is very proud to announce the second annual Twins Haiku contest. Please submit your entries in the comments below. You will have until GAME-TIME FRIDAY to submit your Haiku.
Remember, a Haiku is made up of three lines, the first with five syllables, the second with seven, and the third five again. Haiku are valued for their simplicity, openness, lightness, and depth. For more information on the Haiku, please see this helpful website.
You may enter as many times as you like. Team Batgirl will select finalists this weekend, and then we will all vote for the winner.
Happy writing!
Posted by Batgirl at June 1, 2005 12:08 AM[Dearest Ms. Patty, It was a little too vivid for Batgirl's sensibilities. Forgive Batgirl.]
Posted by: patty at June 1, 2005 12:19 AMEarly each morning
Whether the Twins win or lose
Batgirl makes us laugh
We must tell Angels
Make the Bitch Sox start crying
Twins win down the stretch
Justin comes to bat
The pitchers are terrified
Another homer
Castro: Fielding Stud.
And hitting .270
Poor Bartlett must wait.
El Presidente
The Batters Cower in Fear
Another Bitch Sits
Alternate endings:
Another one down
Yet another K (or J)
Johan Santana (could also be used for beginning)
Posted by: IcePhoenix at June 1, 2005 02:21 AMTorii Hunter bats
Not another double play
Please work on hitting
Ron Gardenhire
Incendiary skipper
Ejected once more
Link arms everyone
Twins have loaded the bases
Ack! A double play!
Alternately:
Link arms everyone
Twins have loaded the bases
Wa-hoo! A grand slam!
I like the second permutation better, admittedly, but we must be prepared for all eventualities.
Posted by: CarrieIC at June 1, 2005 06:39 AMCan't help but wonder...
Was Pat's too vivid haiku
re: Redmond's BP?
June 1. Five games back.
Caterpillars munch on leaves.
It might snow today.
Captain Cheeseburger.
You are fat and butt ugly.
Put your hat on straight.
*giggling*
Posted by: Say Rah! at June 1, 2005 07:58 AMNIH truly has the soul of a poet.
Posted by: CarrieIC at June 1, 2005 08:14 AMI can't even concentrate on writing my own now that NIH has clearly already taken first prize.
Posted by: Say Rah! at June 1, 2005 08:16 AMNIH and I had the same thought...
Captain Cheeseburger
Gets to throw it high and tight
Gardy takes a walk
I do have to agree..not even sure if I want to submit after NIH's poem. Very very funny!
hahaha, but I'll think..pretty sure I cannot be that funny!
Fordwalker at bat
The Force is strong with this one
Give it a ride, Lew!
Who won last year?
Posted by: Mic at June 1, 2005 08:34 AMMy Nicky Punto
Is one aggressive player
A tiny Hero
Brent Abernathy
Gets the call from Rochester
Also Michael Ryan
It looks like KW won last year's contest: http://www.bat-girl.com/archives/000246.php
Posted by: Kurtis at June 1, 2005 08:48 AM1.
Lightning flash outside
Underneath the Teflon Dome
Crowd roars and ball flies
2.
The wind is blowing
The fly ball towards center field
Torii's glove appears
3.
Bullet drive to left
Flying Circus in motion
Castro to lil' Nick
I can't pick a favorite! Too many!
Posted by: Katharriet at June 1, 2005 09:06 AMI'll miss you Luis.
Those beautiful big, brown eyes.
Inevitable.
Bless Shannon Stewart!
He bats like a He-Man toy
With slap-spring action!!!
Haikus never rhyme.
Just like the Twins never score
on bases-juiced bats.
T.C. has a gun
He takes aim near upper deck
T-shirt a bullet
Dome, dark & dreary
Nice and sunny day outside
Outdoor ballpark now!
I can't help but Thart's first haiku to the tune of an Aerosmith song.
Posted by: Kurtis at June 1, 2005 09:39 AMThe Bitch Sox are red hot.
Darth Thomas back in the clubhouse
Will cool them off big time.
Workplace blocks Batgirl
Need to check with IT, huh?
At least Gameday works
(Alternate last line for coworkers:
Eek! Road service call!)
Starter out of gas
Opponents are threatening
Old Man Mulholland.
Bases juiced, one out,
great position to score-ARGH!
six-four-three again.
sw
Posted by: sw at June 1, 2005 09:57 AMOooh, QJW, I like the ambiguity of that one!
Posted by: Katharriet at June 1, 2005 09:58 AMKatharriet, I'm glad you caught that!
Posted by: QJW at June 1, 2005 09:59 AMRincon in "trouble":
Tumbleweed supervises --
Everything better.
Twins Play, Batgirl Blogs
These are my favorite things
We all need some sass
Ulger is ass-bats.
The bane of spring hopefulls.
Can his sorry butt!!!
First weekend in June;
O’s, Red Sox praying for Twins:
Sweep of the Yankees?
you think you can win?
Ole! Twins bullpen is strong.
you will sit down now.
QJW, Tumbleweed thanks you for the tribute!
Posted by: kafumbly at June 1, 2005 10:16 AMI'm in a slump now
But, I'll come around, just wait
Basehits and homeruns
Johan to Bitch Sox:
Sit down evil pretenders
Spring ends, leads fade
nicky slides headfirst
watch your thumbs wee tiny guy
remember Koskie
We are so upset...
That Torii is a bully.
He won't let us be.
We may be first in
The league, but still we keep on
Bitching and bitching.
Pity us, not them!
For we have fallen again.
The Big Hurt is out.
Oh, woe is us! Why
Must such bad things befall us?
We are the Bitch Sox.
Bitch Sox in first place
Sweet Cheeks swingin' an ass-bat
Twins, 2005
Lyle or Kyle?
When will we find out the truth?
Twins, 2005
Boo tested for 'roids
Winter league docs are to blame
Twins, 2005
Michael Restovich,
Corky Miller not on the
Twins, 2005
Captain Cheeseburger
hates the Twins, loves post-game buffet
Twins, 2005
Bitch Sox will collapse
Lewke Fordwalker saves the day
Twins, 2005
go boomie boomie
Are my curls still in place?
I am the Doctor
My all star ballot,
Laden with Twins, no Bitch Sox
Wait 'til September
"QJW, Tumbleweed thanks you for the tribute!"
kafumbly, we thank HER!
I hold up the sign,
Hoping to get on TV.
Please circle me, Bert!
Wide turn around third,
Want so much to keep going.
Al Newman says “no.”
New York batlings all
Will cheer when the Yankees fall
We will hit the ball
(who says haiku can't rhyme?)
Twins have a problem
Can't find Lew Ford! Where is Lew?
Revenge of the Sith
First base should be played
By the Good Doctor Morneau
Not Matthew Lecroy
Poor Nicky Punto
So often getting eaten
Should try new cologne
GTX at short
With LNP, double play!
Jason, Luis who?
Batgirl meets the Twins
Hugs with Gardy and Sweetcheeks
Chats Star Wars with Lew
CC throws inside
Only Silva gets warning
Which ump gets paid off?
Batlings on the road
Meet pitchers in Toronto
Who's up for New York?
Diving fielding gems,
Bunt singles, and headfirst slides
That's my LNP!
Bags loaded, no outs
20,000 hold their breath:
Torii's at the plate
Time erodes all things:
Soaring mountains, mighty oaks,
Sox division lead
Hamburger sizzles
Santana sits 'em all down
Barbeque and Twins
Strike! echoes in ear
Through speaker into helix
I have no cable
Fly ball on sound waves
Gordo hoarse with excitement
Twins on radio
Run inside quickly
To sit at the computer
Must share with Batlings.
A minor edit:
Time erodes all things:
Lofty mountains, mighty oaks,
Sox division lead
Salt-Man Z; either way, that's a damned fine haiku.
Posted by: Katharriet at June 1, 2005 11:09 AMAll Star Ballot done
Laden with Twins, No Bitch Sox
Wait 'til September
You – selfish snacker!
Don’t block my view of the game.
Just wait for the break.
Promotions break hearts.
Perhaps one day I shall be
A Weiner Winner.
Too many strikeouts,
But bats two-seventy-eight.
My Boyfriend, Jacque Jones.
Old Man Mulholland
and the Batling heraldguy:
Identical Twins?
The Haiku Contest.
Many bad poems from me.
Much time on my hands!
"I ask you, dear sir,
What the *beep* was that? I know
The rules must be kept.
I quite agree. But
All I'm asking is, can you
Please make the right call?
For if we can't pitch
Inside, then it's only fair
That they can't either.
I'll throw my cap if
I want to. So there! Stick that
Where the sun don't shine.
You know what? Fine. I'll
Leave. But that doesn't change the
facts-you're a blind bat."
So speaks the man that
Many love and admire: our
Dear Ron Gardenhire
(completely inspired by Kafumbly)
Blah blah blah Jeter...
Blah blah blah blah blah Yankees...
Blah blah blah A-Rod...
To fellow bat-lings
thanks for making this year fun
just like family
to dear-i-est mic
batlings are ever better
than my family
No-one near the cube
Gameday has frozen again
I shall scream out loud
>>Salt-Man Z; either way, that's a damned fine haiku.
Thanks, Katharriet! I'm pretty proud of it, myself. I doubt I'll be able to top it, but here's a few more for fun:
Feels like it's been months
Since The Doctor's last homerun.
Just incredible!
Poor Corey Koskie!
Caught stealing Johan's mojo
Carrie broke his thumbs
Lew Ford batting third
Smack in the middle of an
M & M sandwich
Twins lost in the twelfth
Dome Dog gave me painful gas
Didn't get circled
>>Salt-Man Z; either way, that's a damned fine haiku.
Thanks, Katharriet! I'm pretty proud of it, myself. I doubt I'll be able to top it, but here's a few more just for fun:
Feels like it's been months
Since The Doctor's last homerun.
Just incredible!
Poor Corey Koskie!
Caught stealing Johan's mojo
Carrie broke his thumbs
Lew Ford batting third
Smack in the middle of an
M & M sandwich
Twins lost in the twelfth
Dome Dog gave me painful gas
Didn't get circled
Dimples and cowlicks,
And now showing us his skillz.
Michael Cuddyer!
And while I'm on the subject, a slightly obscure haiku about hard times in the office:
Concrete blocks air waves,
Gameday is hopelessly slow--
Peter-- did we score?
hey, where did my post go..damnit!
Posted by: Mic at June 1, 2005 11:36 AMoh well,
what i was trying to say is
Salt-man Z
your Corey Haiku has to be in the top 5
LMAO
Someone to LeCroy:
“Eat a big bug for this bill?”
“Yes, sir. Yes, I will!”
Sorry; this is why I don't punctuate haikus.
Should be:
Concrete blocks air waves,
Gameday is hopelessly slow--
Peter! Did we score?
A collection of EVIL haiku:
Problem with New York:
Way too many Yankee fans
Otherwise, the best!
Yankees and Bitch Sox
United in evilness
Since the beginning
1919, yo
Their team threw the World Series
Bitch Sox EARNED their curse
My eyes betray me
Can't eat, can't sleep, can't function
UGH! Twins Hottest Chick!
Mientkiewicz is my
non-sexual man crush - yes.
HIT THE GODDAMN BALL
My N.S.M.C
Is the Twins center fielder
Can't call him Sweetcheeks
Twins don't like scoring
Or so it seems many games
What else can we think?
Dearest Batlings,
Your post will disappear if you add an html marker--a carrot. Sometimes we use it to excerpt from another post, but in this case the whole thing will disappear.
Helpfully yours,
BG
Hitting in the clutch
Will never amount to much
When bats out to lunch
Ass bats, oh ass bats
What can we do with ass bats?
How 'bout a bonfire?
Ron got tossed again
He'll watch from the locker room
But he still was right.
Shannon Stewart up
Extra innings, game tied up
Look at that ball soar...
Like a stale dome wind
Gladden blathers of Harleys
Call the damn game, jerk
A gray teflon roof
keeps out sunshine like a pall
Will Sox die beneath?
Stadium by Ruth
Twenty six championships
Jeter is the best
We need a new home.
If you build it we will come!
Season tickets? Me!
Fiancee' at game.
Tonight her bridal shower.
Baseball cap with veil? =P
Batgirl gone to France!
I cannot survive the loss.
Twins are dead to me.
I don't like the wave
Stop that now please watch the game
I don't like the wave
me, so far you have my vote. This best captures the beauty of haiku:
Johan to Bitch Sox:
Sit down evil pretenders
Spring ends, leads fade
Posted by: Me at June 1, 2005 10:25 AM
Your thumb is broken.
Please, no more yoga for you.
Namaste Boyfriend.
Nathaniest Joe
Dominator of the ninth
1, 2, 3 strikeouts
restless night, can't sleep
Mulholland has a feather
OUCH! my cornea
too much fun can't stop
haiku's are the fashizzle
whatever that is
Central Division
This IS Twins Territory
Bitch Sox will go down
I am in exile.
I'll watch on 3 by 3 screen,
MLB-TV.
Gardenhire spits.
Lewke Fordwalker wins at DOOM.
Romero adjusts.
Can't buy me love, but
why can't the Twins buy a hit
with bases loaded.
no rain, snow, wind, hail
no sun shining on my face
this must be the Dome
Jacque Jones swings so hard
that Vince Vaughn must be impressed
You're so money, man!
Boyfriend T-shirts banned?
Bud Selig is Dark Lord of Sith.
Bat-girl for Comish.
My computer broke
Tech guy is a Yankee fan
My job really sucks
The bases are juiced
Help me, sweet Lew Fordwalker
You're my only hope
LOL ndtf. I feel your pain.
Posted by: NY-Brian at June 1, 2005 01:33 PMnice one theresa!
NIH: hilarious haiku, i completely agree
Posted by: Molly at June 1, 2005 01:41 PMTrivia too hard
I did not win Twins tickets
Road trip with Ellen?
(If you don't know what I'm talking about, see my comments in the Gardenblog).
Posted by: ndtf at June 1, 2005 01:42 PMFree Tiffee! we cried
Optioned back to Rochester
Cures ass bat it will
Haiku's are funny
Master Yoda I talk like
Lewke needs bat-saber
O evil Bitch Sox
You will be overtaken
The Twins will prevail
cheap seats are um. cheap
come down here ndtf
you can still see games
Up, up, down, down, up
Much loved Twins players can be
Hard on my system
aurora i can't
it is too far for my car
it is a junker
ndtf I
feel that pain trust me i do
i cannot help you
Twins fill the bases
then empty them with grand slams
Balance is achieved
J J J J J
J J J J J J J
N N N we win!
free parking near dome
family secret it is
Muaha ha ha
1961
Baseball I have autographed
by entire Twins team!!
Harmon Killebrew,
Rod Carew, Kirby Puckett,
Will the next be Lewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww?
Eighty seven Twins
Nineteen ninety one Twins too
two thousand and five?
The Hall of Fame Twins
Harmon Kirby and Carew
Where's Burt Blyleven
Flatter bat-girl why?
She is above sycophants
worth a try ya think?
Tony Oliva
Kent Hrbek, Bert Bly as well
Belong in the hall
Bert crawls under bench.
he targets his next victim.
who gots the lighter?
(please pardon my Billy Madison reference)
Posted by: kafumbly at June 1, 2005 02:13 PMDon't any of you
Have to work for a living?
No time for this now.
Nothing's anywhere
either present or absent.
Whatever that means.
Yesterday I got
a new job. 13th I start.
Bored at work I am.
word smith I can slack
because of course I work for
government programs
13-pitch at-bat:
Cuddy hits foul after foul
Channeling A.J.
Stew, Torii, and Jacque;
Cuddy, Castro, Nick, and Doc:
Let's go darn some Sox!
A cool breeze blows by
Suddenly, I realize
Johan's struck me out
Wow... you know its bad when you start talking normally in Haiku's.
I wasn't around for this last year. Are there different categories for the contest? Or just one big pool? I can't believe how many there are already.
wow. i've done 13 already!
Posted by: Thart at June 1, 2005 02:23 PMBuried in paper
and way behind on email
and i write haikus.
One out bases loaded
Please do not GIDP
I need an Ambiorix!
lego vision rocks
matty lecroy likes crawdads
cuddles likes music
what would we all do
if it was not for bat-girl
giving us a laugh
Thart -- Might as well make it 17. A haiku of haikus, or a haiku squared.
Posted by: Kurtis at June 1, 2005 02:32 PMOne day while working
I laughed so hard at bat-girl
I fell off my chair
Bearhugs from Gardy
BG is in the clubhouse
Torii goes batshit
That's gold, Mic. :)
Posted by: Salt-Man Z at June 1, 2005 02:33 PM6am I wake
Get in line, patiently wait.
Bobblehead days rule!
Midwest weather strange
boyfriend's 'Sota accent cute;
I learn blog habits
Georgia girl I am
yet Twins and Batlings are love;
Yanks and Bitch Sox suck
Want a boyfriend tee
I heart Lew Ford and Torii;
Nicky Punto too
Plans for year oh five
Grad school, travel, most of all:
Twins/Braves world series
Bob Casey tribute
to Memorial Day last
night made me so sad.
Bitch sox fans are here
Crap! There goes the neighborhood
Exorcise them now!
Which bitch has the mask?
Help! Bat kitty detective
save the day she will!
Need Mauer Quick Swing
It make me a big league star
Just like my pal Joe!
Where did Resto go?
Rays, Rockies and the Pirates
That man gets around
Oh Justin Morneau
How lovely it would be to
Reach first base with you
bitch sox fans jealous
batlings spend day in haiku
walking on sunshine
Angela-
First literal laugh out loud goes to you.
People are looking at me strangely....
Angela, wow, that
is worthy of high praises
I am most impressed.
Angela-
That was truly beautiful. I am in awe!
News - Lew to DL
In rush with a wrinkly shirt
burned self with hot iron
(Calm down, this is old news. He's not really on the DL)
Who's behind the plate?
Tonight it's naked BP.
At least wear a jock.
B-Radke tonight
Get out of the first inning
For you I will pray
C.C. on the bump
Twins batters swing and miss
Who is your daddy?
Nice Haiku buddy..check your second line...must be a bitch sox fan!
hahahahhaha
It's a miracle:
Radke's issued fewer walks
Than Corky has hits
(Didn't someone say that Corky's gotten 4 hits in the minors? : )
And Angela: that was masterfully done.
Posted by: Salt-Man Z at June 1, 2005 03:10 PMGovernor vetoes
Poet laureate, Bat-girl
Fights back with haiku.
A riddle for you
Who call's Sid Hartman Sonny?
Terry Mullholand.
Mic? You're awake!!!????
"The numbers on the
board are final." Bob Casey
will always be missed
Johan's change-up darts
like a flirty hummingbird
batter misses, sits.
Harmon Killebrew
Kent Hrbek and Rod Carew
Tony Oliva
That's our VP Joe
Best closer in the majors
Click my name for link
First base with Justin?
Good thing he doesn't play third.
- Angela's boyfriend
Third base with Cuddy
must be a dream of Laurie's
where is she today?
In his little cart
TC drives around the field
Waving the Twins flag
Do not distract Mor-
neau. First base you will not reach.
In your dreams keep him. =D
Go mic, catch mistakes
bitch sox fans who cannot count
heroic you are.
No-hitter is good
Unless you're not a pitcher
Sigh. Corky-Corky!
[Hi, ItsAllGood, Jeb here--not Batgirl. You're often fun to have around, IAG, but remember that the site is a Twins fan site...a place where they can always feel amongst fans. You're clearly not obnoxious like the vast majority of Bitch Sox fans who've come onto the site, but simple haikus about how Cleveland defeated the Twins, for example aren't really witty, either. In short, if Twins fan won't want to read it, don't write it.]
Batgirl is goddess
Deletes my haiku post entry
play nice please BG
little nick boyfriend
nothing happens at short must
play second often
Batgirl IS goddess
Sacrifice Bitch Sox you must
Batgirl is now pleased
O' how is bat-girl
going to limit these down
so many haiku's
Batgirl does play nice
Nicer than Brian would for sure
Tolerant, she is
Itsallgood is mean
Mean to our beloved Twins
Why are you so mean?
Brian don't worry
Itsallgood cannot help it
Bitch Sox fans are mean
Dilly Bars at work?
Oh happy day I want one!
Dairy Queen is great.
Dear It's AllGood,
Another member of TB deleted your Haiku, but it seemed you were lessening their fun. We're not interested in taunting, for Haiku is a sacred artform.
Sincerely,
BG
Things unnatural:
The dome, the turf, Bitch Sox leads,
Will wither, then die.
A cloud overhead
As fleeting as the Bitch Sox
The sun will return
Little Nick Punto
Slides headfirst into first base
Gardy sighs "oh well"
No taunting in haiku. Please accept my apologies!
Would it help if I told you Rod Carew was my favorite player in '77 when he was chasing .400?
P.S. The South Side Hit Men were still my team. Sorry.
Posted by: ItsAllGood at June 1, 2005 03:41 PMOr...
Little Nick Punto
Slides headfirst into first base
"Don't eat me today!"
t's'amazin' how much
youc'n say in sev'teen syll'bles
f'you'se 'nuff 'postr'phes
Dollar dogs tonight
So good are they, give me more!
Tomorrow toliet.
Homer hankies wave
Fifty-thousand plus in dome
October dreams, now.
A sphere rising high
Out of the air it is plucked
Torii, a Web Gem
Thart, I'm dying from your "dollar dog" haiku. Oh, man! "Tomorrow toilet" :D :D
Posted by: Salt-Man Z at June 1, 2005 03:50 PMWhere shall we all go?
Bachlor party next weekend.
Twins away. Saints @ home.
Poets, acrobats
Aspire to touch lofty heights
Can't match Hunter's catch
thanks Salt-Man Z! I've never realized how fun Haiku writing is till today. Soo addicting! =D
thx BG!
A tornado watch
issued for western ND
I love thunderstorms
Girlfriend likes LeCroy
He tells kids not to bully
But now I'm threatened
My World Series dream
Our Twins versus New York Mets
Dougie M. comes home
Giddy excitement!
Juan and Nicky turn DPs
Moral high ground rocks.
Tim McCarver Sucks!
Joe Buck not chip off old block
Please find better
Twins-Braves Series: And
We'll see you tomorrow night
My favorite words
Ultimate road trip:
Follow Twins in late July
Drive for days and days
Twins face contraction
Emperors of the Central
Bite us, Darth Selig!
ndtf, how did you know about the Dilly Bars??
we must stop talking
of trips aurora can't take
sad aurora is
TwinsGoddess I have
my sources. I even got
a chocolate one. Yum!
You have a chocolate source?
Posted by: NY-Brian at June 1, 2005 04:08 PMJuly 9th Wedding
Honeymoon trip must decide
Twins roadtrip? sounds fun!
Thart, the question is
Is your wife a baseball wife
Or a "normal" girl?
Sure, who doesn't?
Posted by: ndtf at June 1, 2005 04:12 PMMatt's belly jiggles
Torri rolls on turf laughing
Rincon takes BP
Her bridal shower
To the game tonight she goes.
Lucky man am I.
I call this one: "How I Lost the Laconic, and Learn't to Love the Loquacious"
sure, it hurt at first,
Michael at the hot corner.
his strong May has helped.
with hat pointed right
I don't need a nose hair trim
Darned Sabathia!
with hat pointed right
I don't need a nose hair trim
Darned Sabathia!
Mighty Joe Mauer,
Molitor, Morris, Winfield.
Minneapolis?
a fax machine my
phone is not. please do not send
me faxes by phone!
Has anyone hit
a homerun through the Subway
sign in the outfield?
Tribute to a wicked cool commercial-
Sorry Uncle Phil
But you were a Yankee fan
Go Joe bobblehead!
QJW: Another beauty. But then, I'm biased; Molly and Mauer are alums of my Dad's high school, and Winfield of mine.
Posted by: Katharriet at June 1, 2005 04:25 PMWhen Bitch Sox play the
Toons, for whom do we cheer? I
want both teams to lose.
Not all White Sox fans
are mean and nasty, ND.
Have you met us all?
Bear Batgirl, I loved
Legovision about Frank!
Taking high road. Nice.
I am "normal" girl
though baseball is a love, think
I am hurt brian
Root for ambulances
And a fire in hospital
Then Twins win it easy.
A more appropriate response to QJW's last:
From St. Paul ballparks,
Twins greats, past and present, hear
The call to the Hall
Pale Hose please accept
my apologies. You are
a rare exception.
dearest aurora-
do not be hurt by brian,
"baseball wife" is good.
Oops! The first line should
say "Dear" --I guess that is what
furtive posting does.
ND, Accepted.
If you are in Chicago,
look me up for beer!
:)
Posted by: Pale Hose at June 1, 2005 04:40 PMchoosing new boyfriend...
little nicky or bartlett?
stupid demotion
Not a haiku:
Juan, Kyle, Joe Nathan most fair,
Please, won’t you remove
Your chin pubic hair?
Pink, plastic, treat-filled
Joy of all relief pitchers
The Barbie Backpack.
lol QJW
And Pale Hose- If I'm ever in Chicago, I will certainly give you a call. If you're ever in Bismarck, look me up.
Posted by: ndtf at June 1, 2005 04:44 PMEmpty your lungs,
Teflon bag reverberates.
Batlings should leave hoarse.
bottom of the ninth
two outs two strikes, here's the pitch!
and go sit down bitch.
My cat Louie is
named for Luis Rivas. I
still have Rodriguez!
My other kitten
could be Supernatural.
He is named Johann.
Five games over Twins,
Best record in MLB,
And yet they still bitch.
Blessed ninety-one
Twins won and the prophet born
Mauer be thy name
and...
What color for dome
The foolish builder ponders
Color of baseballs!
Lohse, Silva and Mays
Against those who wear pinstripes
Three quality starts
Work day is over
Now I must go home because
game starts at seven.
Writing haiku makes
the day go much faster but
now I cannot quit!
Oh, Dr. Morneau
get some hits so we can show
how the Sox are LOW
Base on balls allowed?
Twins' staff best because they know:
Walks will surely haunt
The Veep is the man, but Eddie G was my NSMC:
Game ending fist pump,
chanting fans fuel his fire.
I was Thunder Struck.
Playing off the same idea as Meg's haiku, another tribute to another great commercial:
You, yeah you, come on
You gotta go! Come on, go!
I love Al Newman.
Ouch! Tough break last night.
Maybe C.C. ate Juan Gone's
durability?
sw
Posted by: sw at June 1, 2005 06:09 PMoutdoor baseball's nice
but weather can be crappy
retractable roof
my boyfriend at third
has a rocket for an arm
cuddles mcDimply
El Presidente.
He J's players all the time.
I like him a lot.
Oh yeah, and Lew Ford.
The little engine that could.
Chugga chugga choo!
And Corky Miller
Makes me feel good about life.
Okay, not so much.
But Justin Morneau,
He can totally crush nuts.
Man I love that guy.
So in summary,
Twins will only get better.
Watch your nuts, Bitches.
Leroy and C.C.
Like competitive eating?
Run for your life nick!
Jooo-han can you see
By the home crowd's pure delight,
You struck that Bitch out.
Streak over, he shaves.
Now bereft of facial hair,
Cuddy, still so hot.
Out of the dugout,
Gardy, so short of temper.
Ump says you must go.
Krazy Glue in gloves,
The hide hit off the baseball.
Soul Patrol, you rock.
Heaven on any day
Getting to see the Twins play
With Sweet-n-Sassy
(Forgive the gratuitous rhyme. It's Haiku-hop.)
Posted by: RonDavis at June 1, 2005 10:06 PMLook at those banners.
Eighty-Seven! Ninety-One!
Make way for Oh-Five!
+
Posted by: Rixware at June 1, 2005 11:32 PMTorii Hunter hits
Five for five with a grand slam
No doubt, B.O.D.!
Torii Hunter-san
Grand Slam and sweet cheeks make for
Boyfriend of the Day
Swing, batter, batter
Bradke gives no free passes
Swing, batter, batter
Gardenhi-er, Please
Bench Luis Rivas Again
Never to Return
Blyleven Should Be
Hall-of-Famer Already
Best Curveball Ever
Bases Full Again
Two-Four-Six double play ball
Destroy the Ass Bats
Batgirl's Universe?
Non-Sexual Man Crushes
Provide Final Proof
admiringly, brs
Posted by: brs at June 2, 2005 01:15 AMI'm Big Matt Lecroy
Can't go anywhere without
Bucket of crawdads
Woops. Must have been wearing the Ass-Haiku underwear.
Bases Full Again
Six-Four-Three double play ball
Destroy the Ass Bats
Twins' apologist
plugging Mankato Harleys
all hail Dazzle Man
I won't ever ride
a Mankato Harley bike
thanks to the Dazzler
Dan talks and I think:
How many Harleys does a
normal person need?
If Dan's Harleys fell
from a plane, which would hit first?
The one he's riding?
Listening to Dan
I ponder: Are his Harleys
bigger than the game?
Drive 169
Go past Mankato Harley
Go way, way past it
Does Gordo ever
ride dude-bitch on Dan's Harleys
before the Twins' games?
Dear BG,
Did Ms. Patty's offering begin, "There once was a Twin from Nantucket..."?
Posted by: oh at June 2, 2005 06:06 AMMauer in Cowtown
It's summer 2001
Yay for rookie league
This is rookie league
Long nights at Joe O'Brien
Now my boys are yours
AJ Pierzynski
You are a traitorous rogue
How could you join them?
Deep drive to center
Itis going, going...caught!
That 'a way, Spidey
El Presidente
Boo Berry and the Count Choc.
All Bitches sit Down!
Tomorrow green grass
White ball across a clear blue
The tax is so small
J.C. Romero
Sometimes he is brilliant
Often he is not
Dougie Mientkiewicz
Kept the Sox World Series ball
Hitting .206
Play baseball outside
or under a teflon sky
The choice is simple
Bitch Sox still in first
Each day loses more luster
Alcohol, help me
Heart. Scrap. Devotion.
With No Regard For His Health.
The Way of Punto
Tom Brunansky Gone?
This Cannot Be Happening....
Tommy F*@!ing Herr?!?!
(edited version)
Why the hell do people keep saying that Luis Rivas is good at defense? Does anyone actually watch him play?!?! (OK, I know. Not a haiku. But I had to get it out there)
Posted by: Blue Ox at June 2, 2005 10:43 AMBlue Ox -
That is precisely what my friend and I both said when that trade went down.
Posted by: heraldguy at June 2, 2005 10:47 AMRomero walks two;
Glares at Mauer, adjusts crotch;
Enter Jesse Crain
Strolling through the Mall,
A chubby man waved at me
It was Matt LeCroy
LeCroy liked the shirt
Was informed of recent ban;
Snorted, "That's not right!"
Bradke
First inning tempests
Doubles, triples, and home runs
Other innings: calm
Hope
Morneau in a slump
I'm sure he'll break out of it
Any minute now
Conundrum
How can this be so:
Many hits with men on base,
Not with bases full?
Drink Stite and Stite Light
In new alum-a-bottles
Dan Gladden says so
Useful pitch: brush-back.
Plate claimed. Message sent. (Warning.)
Gardy to showers.
+
Posted by: Rixware at June 2, 2005 11:07 AMEl Presidente
Tells batters to "Sit down, bitch!"
Cy Young winning year
Bases: juiced again.
Torii's bat: Boom! Ball: Bye bye!
I stand corrected.
Pitching and Defense
The Bitch Sox try to copy
They won't beat the Twins!
heraldguy,
i've been saying it ever since it happened.
sure, he's a career .245 hitter and never hit better than .272 with the twins, and we traded him to the cardinals early in the 1988 season when he was hitting a buck-eighty-four, but the cat was straight up cool. he defined california cool, and we let it slip through our fingers. and he could hit the longball (topping out at 32, twice for the twins).
i'm very seriously considering buying a throwback Brunansky jersey. Very seriously.
Posted by: Blue Ox at June 2, 2005 11:59 AMWill Twins win Series?
Asked Magic 8 Ball and saw
"Yes, Definitely"
Spelling Bee or Twins?
Need to shuttle between rooms
Nemathelmenth? *ding!*
Of all the players
on the team I resemble,
sadly, it's LeCroy.
Some of the examples did rhyme and since rules are made to be broken: A Rhyming Haiku
With your cap askew
O C.C.So-Bad-Are-You
Shall we hate you too?
Reboulet: I like that one a lot.
How about this? It's a little parataxical.
Holy Crap! Fourteen?
J. out-shone even himself.
Nick hurt? who suffers?
Fixed grey canopy
Makes a fan long for the days
Of endless high skies
+
Posted by: Rixware at June 2, 2005 02:55 PMStealing Second Base
The Tiny Superhero
Fractured his hamstring.
:(
Posted by: TwinsGoddess at June 2, 2005 04:08 PMI'm going with the "Twins fan in diaspora" theme for my haikus.
Batlings in Brooklyn
are ignored until playoffs.
That suits them just fine.
CBS Sportsline
reduces games to colors.
Red - bad. Green - good. Blue?
My neighbor friend has
MLB Extra Innings.
Shall I bring the wine?
"Ask Kleiner" is right
When he talks about Dazzle Man
And his damn Harley
(Look many dozen Haiku earlier for the Kleiner files on Gladden. The last one conjures up thoughts about man-love in places where I don't wanna go. Also, I have my suspicions that Torii Hunter was intimidated into his current hot streak by Mr. Kleiner's debut commentary. Well done.)
Posted by: RonDavis at June 2, 2005 04:44 PMAlas, Romero
The modern-day Dangerfield
Gets no damn respect.
Three and one-half back.
Sox eye the rear-view mirror.
Clean some Yankee clock.
Gotta love that staff.
Throw strikes, change speeds, work quickly.
Walks haunt OTHER teams.
Manufacture runs.
Pitch and catch relentlessly.
Baseball paradise.
OK, I finally have my entries.
Southsiders forget
their yearly September swoon.
Hey, Bitches: Sit down!
Nine hundred nine posts?
Extra-inning games must give
Batgirl a headache.
With his five for five
game (and great catch), Torii's cheeks
never looked sweeter.
**And, finally, for all the other proud owners of "Lew Ford is my boyfriend" T-shirts: **
Hey, Lew, is that a
light saber, or are you just
happy to see me?
Sunshine and real grass
Will soon be enjoyed by all.
Now Twins must earn it.
Sideburns a mile long,
With talent beyond his years,
Just dodge the DL.
Oh, Lew Fordwalker,
So often the B.O.D.
Now shave that goatee.
(inspired by the middle line of Theresa's entry)
Awkward team slogan:
"This is Twins Territory!"
What, do they mark it?
I beg you, "Kiss Cam,"
Don't put us on the jumbo,
This girl's my sister.
ROTFL @ Brukowski
Posted by: Salt-Man Z at June 3, 2005 09:06 AMReturn of The Reboul
Punto and Rivas
on the D.L.? It is time
for my Dome return!
I might be in my
40s, but at least I am
not Denny Hocking.
Put me in the nine
spot, give me mustache product,
I shall dominate.
(Dominate being
a relative term for me,
but that's obvious.)
So give me number
seventeen back, and I will
do the Twins fans proud!
I'm Matthew LeCroy
Thank God I'm a Country Boy
Big South tennis balls
Standing in line sucks.
But when it's for a Dome Dog,
It's so worth the wait.
OK, after my runner-up finalist entry last year, I have to submit one in '05.
Bat-Girl, JEB, Sooz, Goob
B-O-D, Ass-Bats, Bitch Sox
Dot-Com-Unity
Kirby once explained
essentials of the game: "See
the ball, catch the ball."
Kirby then explained
the second essential: "See
the ball, hit the ball."
Our fighting, winning
Twins score hits, runs, no errors.
We cheer, thrilled and proud.
Oliva, Carew,
Killebrew and Santanya:
Favorite heroes.
Injuries? No prob!
Twins throw, catch, hit, and run fast.
Good-bye to Yankees.
Eighteen strikeouts. Wow!
Records fall; baseball stats explode.
Energetic Twins!
Lew Ford game-winner
Non-sexual man crush shirt
I want one of those
Quite sick of Cleveland
Warnings constantly issued
Go bean the Bitch Sox
Harley man dances
Sky, road, wind will have to wait
Until Larkin bats
+
Posted by: Rixware at June 3, 2005 07:28 PMI know the contest is over, but we composed these at the game tonight and wanted to share...
Miss Jack and Brian
T-shirts show our affection
stuck in the 90's
Punto disabled
Abernathy he is here
I fear for our boys
Carlos the jackel
1,2,3 you will be out
I say, sit down bitch.
Johann Santana
hear me shout, you will sit down
swinging and missing
Lew and the new guy
together they will score runs
beat the damn Yankees
Can you feel the love
the fans in the teflon dome
Go home damn Yankees
Minny fans can dream:
Final game of season score:
Twins four, Padres two.
