I propose a new statistic (but one with sass, of course): the Bases-Loaded Ass-Bat, or BLAB.

Schrodinger's Batkitties! A wonderful analogy, really cleared the whole thing up. But if I'm only following the game on si.com, could it still be my fault? I don't want to be to blame for all this.

wow. I was waiting for someone to mention Lew Fnord.

Ma'am? I have a head ache. But, I'm going to start answering any "Who...?" question with "You, me, Immanuel Kant, and Lew Ford."

You know, I used to get excited when the bases were loaded. So long ago...

Though it did make me laugh last night when Cleveland had the bases loaded, no outs, and they didn't score. It's a whole lot more entertaining when it's the other team. (Preferably when your team is not doing the exact same thing as well, but I'll take what I can get).

I'm thinking that before the next game, Gardy should wrangle up some Humpdome personnel and just have them go stand on the bases during batting practice. It can't hurt can it?

Not be contrary, but I'm pretty sure that you're completely wrong in saying that Neitzsche was a Bitch Sox fan. But I can understand why you'd think that. You see, his sister was a Bitch Sox fan, and after he passed away she decided to twist his works so that he appeared to be a Bitch Sox fan, even though in real life he would never have supported them.

If you actually look to his texts, you can see that Neitzsche wanted baseball to evolve to a higher level, for superior organizations (or Uberteams) to take the next step. The Twins are precisely such a model. They create players anew for themselves.

Moreover, as Neitzsche is famous for saying, Bud Selig is dead. And truly, the Twins embody precisely this idea. Other teams restrict themselves to the dictates of some "commissioner," but the Twins have sustained themselves in contravention of the "laws which come down from on-high". When Bud said "there shall be no more team in Minnesota" the Twins ignored Him, and took for themselves the crown of the AL Central.

Oh yes, Neitzshce was a Twins fan. In fact, at the time he died he had just started a new work, a sequel to one of his previous books. It was to be titled "On the Genealogy of Mauers". And few people know this, but Zarathustra carried a Homer Hanky with him at all times.

And Neitzsche certainly frowned upon the Bitch Sox. He called them the "camels" of the AL, and accused them adopting the popular strategies of his day. Neitzsche hated their values, which he felt were created from resentiment (The stronger French, not the English resentment) - everything they stand for they do so as against the Twins, who are the original, the strong. Neitzsche hated creatures of resentiment, and so hated the Bitch Sox (and don't even get him started on the East Coast Bitch Sox. Given the chance, Neitzsche would have punched them in neck. And every single one of their annoying fans too).

To be sure, Neitzsche was the consumate Twins fan.

I'd like to say, i have a headache, and i'm easily confused (thats what it says on the Chinese callendar down at the Buffet beneath my plate) but out of all of this, i have found one thing that is clear. We need to stop leaving the @^$** #$**%(#($ (#$**#$*(% #$*%ing bases loaded. Thats all i got.

Speaking of Gardy, is is illegal for him to offer cash incentives to players for getting hits and sac flies when we have the bases loaded? Maybe a couple thousand dollars could fix this problem outright. He could also offer this to Loshe for each scoreless inning he pitches and to the entire lineup for each run that they score when Radke is on the mound. Either that or we just start fining guys for GIDPs on a sliding scale. fine for s GIDP, more if it ends the inning, even more for bases loaded, and if it ends the inning with the bases loaded you get a fine equal to what you get for playing in a game (1/162 of salary). Maybe that'll get these guys going.

Hoping for a win to avoid getting swept today. We need a little momentum for the O's

Sorry, my mistake. We play the Drays next. WOuld still like to get a win though since they're coming off of a nice easy series against the yankees. Wow are they terrible this year. Would have thought that $200+ million would field a team better than that. Why cant the boss take some of that and give it to small market teams to help sign homegrown talent he doesnt want anyways? cough, cough...koskey...cough.

let's not forget that not only did Little Nicky Punto NOT GIDP or strike out his first at-bat with the bases loaded, but he actually scored a runner. yes, that's right: an RBI with the bases loaded. 'tis true that he grounded out at the same time, and that he apparently struck out at his last at-bat with the bases loaded (hmmm... how's that for interesting: LNP's first and last at-bats of the game were with bases loaded), but he did cause a run to score, and that's a start, right?

of course, the ump totally had it wrong, and LNP did NOT strike out in his last at-bat with the bases loaded. for this, that ump should be flogged and doomed to spend the remainder of this umpiring days in Bitch Sox Land. that's a fate worse than death, and he is deserving, for I believe that LNP was going to hit one to the gap.

My brain hurts.

Although BG's theory is totally logical and makes perfect sense and is probably right, I think I'm just going to stick with the old man and the goat.

And yes, don't let the wins off the Yankees fool you. Rochester could win off the Yanks right now. The Devil Rays aren't very scary. They can't hit and they can't throw. What they can do, however, is be very, very speedy around the bases, so we'll really have to not walk them. Luckily, the Twins don't do that often. I'm sure they'll pick up some momentum before getting to the O's... although it's anyone's guess how that series will go.

Golly, do I love a good intellectual rant first thing in the morning.

Now, I think the next question is, what if there are no Minnesota Twins, and we are all just BatBrains in a vat? And we don't really have a baseball team in Minnesota, we are just being electrically stimulated to *think* that we do? Can we prove that that's not true, if the evil geniuses controlling the BatBrains in the BatVat are deciding our every sensory experience? And couldn't said evil geniuses PLEASE decide to not let us have a sucking-time this year? Can evil geniuses be bribed? Because I can whip up a batch of tasty cookies if need be.

Twins fans: the only team that is more terrified when *our* team has the bases loaded than when the opposing team has the bases loaded.

But it was a great recap, Batgirl. Some interesting philosophy for me to ponder, which is surely better than work this morning.

Just Beth

ahh yet another lol morning with Batgirl! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

¿Que?

Can I get the Kant quotation on an official Bat-Girl t-shirt?

Seen on the Jumbo-Tron during last nights game--

Justin Morneau Fun Fact-
Belongs in MN, loves to hunt and fish

I think we should adopt him as an honoray Minnesotan

The only thing I got out of all of that was a giant whooshing sound as it all flew right over my head at breakneck speed. It is 9:00 on a Thursday morning, much too early for me to ponder philosophy. I will tell you this though: I am really friggin' sick of them breaking out the ass-bats every time they load the bases! Don't get me wrong, I loved watching the good Doctor launch the ball into orbit in the 4th, but really couldn't he have done that in his previous at-bat?

Hi-larious. Except that Lew actually hit that ball *really* hard...no, there was nothing cute about the fact that it went right to the shortstop, but at least it looked like he was trying. Maybe only because Gardy wouldn't like it if he knew Lew was saving Captain Picard's life at the expense of his team.

And why not just made *all* Canadians honorary Minnesotans, on the above logic (if you like to hunt and fish, you're in)? I'm serious. We'd be doing them all a favor, and I'm sure at least a few of them have some sweet skills we could use...or maybe not...

Speaking of Kierkegaard, happy birthday, dear Soren.

GEEK TEST! Was anyone else reminded of Monty Python's "Philosophers Song"?

"Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed."

*looks around, notices the incredulous looks, leaves*

Forget existentialist philosophy. We have to appease the baseball gods. We need vodoo. There's a scene in Bull Durham where a player rubs his bat with a cross made of chicken bones. He says, " Chicken bone cross take the curse off this bat and bring me hits." The Twins need to get some chicken bone crosses and rub them on the bases. This will remove the stranded runners curse and bring the Twins many runs.

How about some Pedro Cerrano voodoo? Can anyone channel Jobu?

Carrie-
Its not that I think the devil rays are good. They Arent. Its just that I am a firm believer in momentum. If a team just swept a series, no matter who they were playing, they have a slight edge on the opposing team, esp. confidence-wise, when they are going into a new series against a team that just got swept. Thats why I am hoping the twins win this game today, i dont want them to drop that first game to the Drays and suddenly realize theyve lost 5 straight and are starting to really fall behing the bitch sox. We need all the wins we can get so that when their pitching comes to earth, it will be much easier to catch, pass, and blow by them as we shoot for 4 in a row.

One game at a time. Thats how the Patriots won and thats how we must win. The past is the past. The future is the future. Focus on the game to be played today, play to the last out, and win it. Then and only then should you worry about winning the next game.

Hats for bats. Keep bats warm.

Anyone have some whiskey for an offering?

This situation is starting to remind me of Pedro Cerrano's from "Major League":

Pedro Cerrano: Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit [w/ bases loaded]. [Bases Empty] I hit [ball] very much. [Bases Loaded], bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.

Eddie Harris: You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.

Pedro Cerrano: Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with [bases loaded].

Eddie Harris: You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit [with the bases loaded]?

And I think I have to agree w/ Pedro--if Jesus was on the Twins, he couldn't hit with the bases loaded either. That's how bad it's been.

"Once there were RsBI, now there are no RsBI, some day there will be RsBI again." -Rilke

Brilliant Batgirl. Brilliant.

Skorch:

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
on half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say could stick it away,
half a crate of whiskey everyday.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
and René DesCartes was a drunken fart
"I drink, therefore I am."
yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed,
a lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed.

*puts paper bag over head and sidles away*

I think I need to summon the voodoo priestess I consulted to take the curse off Dr. Morneau. She seems to have done the trick with him hitting balls that break the sound barrier and all. I'll just have to figure out how to find out how to wrangle some live chickens on the number 21 bus.

I could also pull out my old spellbook and see what I can find, although I have to admit, it's been awhile since I did any casting, so if all of the sudden Lew Ford turns into a frog or Little Nicky Punto starts singing Cher tunes have no fear, I'll fix it right away.

Wow. I'm just ... wow.

If Batgirl had been my professor in my detested Intro. to Literary and Cultural Theory class in college, perhaps I would have received a better grade. I definitely would have enjoyed it a lot more.

Dearest Bat-Girl,

I am amused by the fact that you referred to Nietzche as a Sox fan. And, as it turns out, it was Nietzche who said "All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking."

Perhaps if the Twinkies were more adherent to the old nihilist's admonitions, they would do better with the bases loaded.

-Shoeless Joe

Kafumbly - I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who knows it.

HooliganKat - Her spell worked so well that the homerun he hit last night was up near your regular seats. I was hoping you'd be posting today that you caught his ball.

BG,

I see your analysis as quite post-modern, almost Foucault-like. Excellent analysis of the battle between "truth", "thoughts", and "ideas".

E-9

One wonders if it is now time for the Twins 2005 edition of "Naked Batting Practice".

Interesting philisophical analogies, but your neglet of the scientific requires mention. Newton's second law of thermodynamics. The second law is based on human experience. It doesn’t come from complicated theory and equations. So, think of these experiences that you have had: A rock will fall if you lift it up and then let go. Hot frying pans cool down when taken off the stove. Iron rusts (oxidizes) in the air. Air in a high-pressure tire shoots out from even a small hole in its side to the lower pressure atmosphere. Ice cubes melt in a warm room. And recently added,the Twins will load the bases, and strand the runners without scoring any runs.

Total entropy. Obvious disorder.

Skorch-It landed in the next section, however I was very tempted to tackle the very drunken college boy that nabbed it.

Ah, but Wittgenstein has the answer:

When the rule governing the language game of baseball calls for hitting the ball to the outfield with less than two outs and the bases loaded, and the player instead hits the ball right at the shortstop, ending the inning with a double play, the player can say that grounding into a double play is a valid interpretation of the rule.

If you try to refute the player with a superinterpretation that says that the only correct interpretation is the one in which the player hits the ball to the outfield, you need a supersuperinterpretation to justify the superinterpretation, etc...

Therefore there is no justifiable correct interpretation of hitting with the bases loaded. The players have their own interpretations, and nothing we can say can justify our view of the correct interpretation.

The only thing we can rely on is that it is a matter of established practice in the language game of baseball that players are not to strike out or ground into double plays with the bases loaded and less than two outs. That is, our form of life contains a language game of baseball according to which the meaning of "hitting with the bases loaded and less than two outs" is the use of "hitting to the outfield." Hence, grounding into a double play or striking out is not an acceptable practice with less than two outs in the language game of baseball. That's just not how the language game is played.

With the obvious exception of a few notables representing other teams for their own reasons, Twins fans must be officially recorded as the most intelligent and cultured baseball devotees.

This post and its subsequent responses has surely proved that. I usually get laughed at if I start conversations like this - I'm glad to be surrounded by like-minded compatriots.

All I know is it's not my fault. I was screaming at Torii and Jacque to clear their minds and pretend there was nobody on base. The fact that I was 10 miles away in my own living room is absolutely no excuse for not paying attention.

I loves it.

Query: If a twin grounds into a double play in the forest, and no one is surprised by it, does he still exist?

Or what about Descartes principle of Life? Cogito, Ergo Sum. I think, therefore I am, [Therefore I hit into double plays]

[Denotes missing portion of manuscript]

Does anyone know what the Latin is for "Hit into double plays?" Does it have anything to do with the Visigoths? Maybe their was some team of Etruscan gladiators known for browbeating their opponents, and then falling on their own swords?

I wish I hadn't eaten those paint chips when I was a kid

Those are mighty pretty cup cakes...Did BG bake those herself??