Dear Batfans,
It’s been a hard winter, to be honest. There was no annual ice fishing trip to the secret fishin’ spot in the Nunavit lands. No snowmobile rally. No chainsaw ice sculpture contest. Nope. Without Corey, the old traditions just didn’t hold the same appeal.
And I couldn’t look upon the arrival of spring with the same excitement, either; and I don’t just mean that the annual spring shearing of the 6-month beard was humdrum. As most of you know, Corey was my boyfriend; or, if you prefer, my “non-sexual man crush.” We had a special connection, and I couldn’t see how I could have the same understanding with any other Twin.
Many of you have written to express both your condolences and your hope that I might find another. There were suggestions of Tiffee, Bartlett, Lew, and others. But to whom could really entrust my baseball heart? Who could compare with a guy who carved all his own furniture out of wood? Who would see a dugout not as a limit, but as a minor obstacle between him and foul balls? Who would lay it all on the line, get knocked down, and grimly stand up, square up, crack his neck, and do it all over again (with, perhaps, a few additional bionic parts)?
Then I realized I was thinking about this all wrong. Why does my boyfriend have to be a fuzzy, mountain man, canuck, Leatherstocking type? Isn’t your boyfriend just the player who you think epitomizes Twins baseball? The one who you think gives it all on the field each night? The one who you think will bring you shared victory in the hard-fought Boyfriend of the Year contest?
Well, it’s time to trade in my copy of “Outdoor Life” for a copy of Doom IV, time to exchange my big axe for a virtual two-handed Vorpal blade +4...it’s time to declare Lew Ford my boyfriend.
Sincerely,
Jeb
P.S. The BODSHC also declared Lew the B.O.D.!
Readers/Field 3, Jeb/Lew 3, Sooz/ Stewie 2, Batgirl/Joe 1, Goober/Dr. Morneau 1.
Pass me the 20-sided die!
Congrats, Jeb and Lew.
Posted by: Sam at April 21, 2005 10:09 PMDelighted to hear it Jeb! (Although I'm rather jealous that he is now officially recognized as your boyfriend and not mine. . . tough loss.) Personally, I've loved Lew since last year when he got called up. How can you not love a guy that was the inspiration for a word like "adorkable"?
Congratulations again to you Jeb! (And to sweet Lew, who kindly hit the game-winning RBI today)
Posted by: Webster at April 21, 2005 10:37 PMCONGRATS, JEB!
My very excited IM to fellow Batling Candace when I heard the news:
stacylynnaiken: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!!!!!!!!!!!
stacylynnaiken: JEB
stacylynnaiken: PICKED
stacylynnaiken: A
stacylynnaiken: BOYFRIEND
stacylynnaiken: !!!!
Congrats to Jeb&Lew, JJ would have been a good choice also but who wants to go through all that heartache again? Jeb seems to have grandfathered himself into an early lead in the bod standings.
Posted by: Mike&Jane at April 22, 2005 12:24 AMI realise that you are adept at getting exclusive photos of the Twins during their off the field time, BG, but this is so obviously fake I cannot believe it..
I mean, ANY true gamer, as we all know Lew is, would say "D 20," not "20-sided die." That Lew is an imposter!
Posted by: IcePhoenix at April 22, 2005 12:35 AMExcellent choice.
(They're not booing, they're saying "Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeebbbbbbbbb")
Oh, Jeb, I'm so glad you've finally gotten over the crushing blow you got when Corey left, and found room in your heart to love again. Lewwww is a great choice, what with him being so adorkable!
JustBeth
Posted by: Just Beth at April 22, 2005 07:44 AMI'm with you Jeb. Corey's departure was a huge loss for the Twins, I thought. Off the field as much as on it. After all, the photo from the early series in Detroit from a year or two ago--the one where CK strikes a speed skater pose while wearing a balaclava--epitomized the need for a good sense of humor in the clubhouse.
In Lew we have humor AND a good player.
Posted by: fiesta at April 22, 2005 08:16 AMCongratulations to you, and thank you for letting me continue to have JJ all to myself.
(I do have JJ all to myself, don't I?)
Posted by: qjw at April 22, 2005 08:20 AMWhere are you registered?
Posted by: NIH at April 22, 2005 08:23 AMcongratulations Jeb, it's obvious that many ladies in MN are jealous of you now.
i dont know if any of you have seen this but i just stumbled across it, and i was scrolling/laughing at the same time. which just proves that men CAN multi-task.
http://www.startribune.com/stories/150/5362950.html
Posted by: TwinkieJunkie at April 22, 2005 08:30 AMIcePhoenix raises a good point. Also, there's not any Mountain Dew or Doritos in that picture. I'm reminded of that "footage" shot for the (faked) moon landing, but this is bigger in scope and impact. If I'm not mistaken, that figure in the middle is Hagbard Celine.
Hail Eris,
Skorch
Posted by: Skorch at April 22, 2005 08:37 AMCongrats, Jeb! I know how hard it is to fill the cavernous, gaping hole Corey left behind. I myself have chosen young Jason Bartlett for the role. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a good glove and a pair of tall socks.
Posted by: infield at April 22, 2005 08:43 AMjeb,
good call, can't go wrong with "can't boo lew"
to batgirl (may i call you 'barbara gordon'?) and the rest of twinkieland,
as a nationals (and original senators - or at least, nearly original senators until they bolted for mini-soda land) fan, i, and the rest of us in 'natsville, would like to return one very-used christian. we don't need no stinking gooze! we had hoped for a little less a$$-bat (c'mon, .140 after sixteen games!?! we've even had gucy hitting *after* the pitcher!) as long as he could help anchor the infield, but throwing away two unearned runs with two outs in the ninth, puh-leeze! we'll pay to send him back and let him be someone's b.o.d. if you'll have him
bg, thanks for the fun site, see you in the sports pages
Posted by: boo! at April 22, 2005 08:52 AMCongratulations, may you have many happy seasons to come.
Posted by: HooliganKat at April 22, 2005 08:53 AMSorry boo!, you'll need a receipt for that purchase to return it and even then, I believe it's past the 90 day return policy date.
However, can we interest you in Luis Rivas?
Jeb,
Very wise choice. Many congratulations to you and Lew. May you have and long and prosperous mutual-admiration-non-sexual-man-crush. May your cheers bring him much good luck; may his talent bring you many BOD points.
Yours,
k-bro
In the words of Jim Souhan in today's STrib, "Lew's Legend Grows."
http://www.startribune.com/stories/150/5362950.html
Jeb, I couldn't be more delighted for you. This is a very brave and optimistic step that I know could not have been easy for you to take. Congratulations.
I'm most honored to share my boyfriend with you!
Lewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Posted by: TwinsGoddess at April 22, 2005 09:25 AMboo;
As the sign in the clubhouse reads: "There is no betting on baseball, and no returning of apathetic ass-batters."
I'll even throw in a slightly used Lyle Koshe in HooliganKat's Luis Rivas offer. Two for none, can't beat that!
Posted by: Me at April 22, 2005 09:33 AMJeb,we've all seen it coming for weeks. I think you were the last to know. My best wishes. Spike
Posted by: Spike at April 22, 2005 09:46 AMhooli-kat and me (or 'tee-gray' if i may)
your generosity overwhelms me and in good manners, we submissively refuse 'rivas runs deep' and 'k-loser'
mucho apreciado, but we're booked up on crazy
slay them d-kitties (clearly not one of bg's litter)
from the land of the sun,
boo!
Don't keep your boyfriend up all night gaming, JEB! We need him fresh for his at-bats.
Posted by: Kurtis at April 22, 2005 10:18 AMGreat choice, Jeb! Leeewwww forever!
Personally, I've given up on having favorite Twins players (or "boyfriends", if you will). My favorite player used to be AJ. But he got traded. So after I recovered from that it was Mientkiewicz. And we all know what happened there. But no sooner had I changed over to Corey Koskie, then he signed with the Blue Jays. Go figure.
Posted by: Belle at April 22, 2005 11:01 AM
See Jeb? It wasn't you after all. It's all BELLE's fault! She's the jinx!
Don't you feel better now?
Posted by: TwinsGoddess at April 22, 2005 11:08 AMMaybe if we send Rivas to the Nats as well, Guzy will be happy again and play better. A win-win situation.
Posted by: Adam at April 22, 2005 11:13 AMThe Boyfriend is a Bluejay! Long live the Boyfriend.
Best wishes for a long and happy relationship, Jeb.
Posted by: hrunting at April 22, 2005 11:32 AMDoug M. should get an honorary B.O.D. for hitting a GRAND FREAKING SLAM!
Posted by: Donnalove at April 22, 2005 12:36 PMThere are some members of Team Batgirl who feel that we should revoke the Lew points from the field. Would there be a mass revolt if I did?
Posted by: Batgirl at April 22, 2005 01:34 PMWith all that Jeb has been through this off-season, I think it's only fair he should get all the Lew points.
I think either JEB gets them or the field. It can't be both.
Posted by: Goober at April 22, 2005 02:08 PMGive 'em to Jeb. I'm counting on Torii and Jason and (fingers crossed) other one-night stands to keep the Readers competitive. It's nice not to have to pick a single Boyfriend and play the field. Really.
Posted by: Agent 99 at April 22, 2005 03:57 PMAnd you guys think I'm a hussy!
Nice Agent 99, I too feel it's best to share the love.
I feel that revoking the points from the Field only punishes the readers who knew they loved Lew from the get-go. Why can't we share?
No, I don't really care. It's Team Batgirl's intrafamily competition. Do what you want.
Posted by: frightwig at April 22, 2005 06:17 PM