Kansas City at Twins. Twins 10, Royals 9.(10 innings)
Tonight Batgirl will be spending her evening at an elementary school play. The reasons why are not important. Suffice to say, there will be singing and dancing. In the play, in which every student in the fifth grade is allowed--nay compelled--to act, the children will all get a chance to feel as if they're taking part in Theater. All of the elements will be there--excessive stage make-up and rented costumes, theatrical lights, a sound system, and a big curtain through which they can peek to see if their mothers are in the front row.
But of course, this is not a play, really--it is a simulacrum designed to give those happy fifth-graders a taste for the arts, an experience of community, a chance to strut and fret their hour upon the stage and emerge from the other end more confident and better able to accept the challenges of tomorrow (i.e. Junior High). I am not sure how deep the acting talent is in this particular fifth grade, but I think that with a few exceptions, the students will be mostly playing at acting, largely by shouting as loudly as possible. But do we expect anything more? These are ten-year-olds and after it is (blissfully) over we will all comment on how cute it was and tell our respective kidlets how marvelous they were and then run for our cars as quickly as possible.
In the same way that these children will be "acting" in a "play" tonight, the Kansas City Royals "play baseball." In the same way that we do not expect to see any actual talent among these youngsters, we do not really look for actual baseball skill among the members of the Men in Purple. And if somebody does show actual promise, we are all the more thrilled. Good job, John Buck! Someday you might be a real major leaguer! Would you like that?
No, despite the uniforms and the balls and the gloves and the baseball field, there was no actual baseball played by the Royals today. BatMom and Batgirl were there today, they were there through every bobble, through every misplay, through every dropped ball. They bore witness, and they saw such things that the eye never should have to see. They saw missed catches, errant throws, balls through the legs; they saw Shannon Stewart break up a double play just by looking at the second baseman funny, they even saw Big LeRoy hit an infield single. With the possible exception of the Minnesota Twins during the first inning of Game 1 of the '02 ALDS in Oakland, no team has ever sucked defensively as much as the Royals sucked tonight--except the Royals do this every night.
It would have felt like a blowout, were it not for the inconvenient fact that we gave up nine runs and won the game by one run in extra innings. But, see, most of the runs we gave up didn't even count. There was the whole Gassner fiasco--five runs in the first two innings, but, you know, he had one foot on the bus to Triple A, so that's not real. And then Shaggy Guerrier pitched three and a 1/3 terrific innings before (Zoinks!) he began the sixth inning giving up a homer, a walk, and another homer, and that hardly counts either because he did such a nice job before and because Batgirl often forgets he's on the team. Then in the 9th Juan Rincon gave up a run, mostly because Mike Sweeney startled the crap out of him and he balked. So that sort of counts, but not really since Boo never ever gives up runs.
Despite all these runs not counting, the Twins managed to begin the bottom of the ninth down 9-8. But fortunately, they were playing against the Royals and after a Sweetcheeks walk and--of course--a steal (Torii left maybe a beat too early, and pitcher Mike MacDougal saw him go and reared around to throw to second. Torii visibly panicked, stopping for a millisecond. He would have been out by a mile, but MacDougal was kind enough to throw the ball into centerfield. We salute you, Mike MacDougal!), then a Lew Ford Focus hit, then a Little Sweetcheeks double, and, well, it was onto extra innings.
Joe Nathan, the only non-geriatric bullpen pitcher left by that point, came on to pitch the top of the tenth, and let me tell you, there was no simulacrum at all going on there. A respectful and awed silence fell over the Dome faithful as our Veep struck out the side in most excellent fashion.
At that point, Batgirl was pretty sure the Twins were going to do it for her and BatMom at the bottom of the inning--for they were playing the Kansas City Royals, and the Royals totally suck. And sure enough, a Jason Bartlett double, a Big LeRoy single, a Sweetcheeks walk and then it was time for Lew to send us all home. Well in time for the fifth-grade play.
Posted by Jeb at April 21, 2005 06:11 PMIn spite of all those runs not counting, I would like to say it is a somewhat frightening thing to need 10 runs to beat the Royals. Hopefully it won't happen again.
Posted by: CarrieIC at April 21, 2005 06:48 PMYup, once again, an absolutely beautiful recap by BG. Great analogy with the 5th grade play. What was said in this game recap is exactly what was on the minds of every baseball fan, has been for years, but nobody ever could truly put it into words in such beautiful, poetic fashion. Calming, too, really, which is nice after an afternoon of running around trying to keep up with 5th graders. They're so damned full of energy at that age...
Posted by: Tinger at April 21, 2005 06:50 PMJust a quick update for all of you (us) that still love Super Dougie... He hit a grand slam against the mets today. Ahhhh memories...
Posted by: Tinger at April 21, 2005 07:28 PM*sniff* I will always love Dougie.. thanks for the uplift Tinger. It's always appreciated.
Posted by: CapitalBabs at April 21, 2005 07:41 PMWow, how did he manage to hit a GS against the team he is playing for?
Now that's a feat...
Posted by: Eric at April 21, 2005 07:43 PMEric-
I was wondering the very same thing myself. . .
But then again, with Dougie anything (and everything) is possible.
Much as I love Dr. Morneau, I'd like to have seen Dougie play one last good game for the Twins. (Last year, near the end, it wasn't good because he couldn't hit ANYTHING, though his glovework was always superb)
But about today's game:
I was lucky enough to tune in for the tenth inning (I hate midweek day games, because I am usually forced to choose school over baseball) and rejoice through the Twins having the bases loaded, one out, and SCORING! Which is something I am not used to, having been horribly busy last night and missing that game too.
Wow, how did he manage to hit a GS against the team he is playing for?
Now that's a feat...
-Eric
------------
He's Dougie Baseball! He can do anything!
Posted by: TBird41 at April 21, 2005 08:10 PMNow the Twins lead the league in GIDPs...
But Torii leads in steals..
And Johan in J's...
=bm
Posted by: bassman at April 21, 2005 08:22 PM"He's Dougie Baseball! He can do anything!"
Unlike Guzy, who apparently forgot how to hit once he left the Twins.
I used to laugh at his 0-4 days...but now there's been so many...IN A ROW that it's getting kinda scary.
What are the National's options anyway? They signed him to this huge 4-year deal, and he sucks big time. Will that affect the shortstop market? Or could the National's pull something and not have to pay him.
Oh well, it's fun to see both parties (over-payed player who thinks he's worth more than he is, and over-paying team who thinks that as well) getting bitten on this one.
Posted by: Torhu at April 21, 2005 08:29 PMOn a side note/update. I was reading hte Power Ranking on cnnsi.com and came across the Tigers
---
How about some AL Cenrtal smack? "Forget the other teams," said Dmitri Young. "It's going to come down to us and Cleveland. No disrespect to the Twins and White Sox ... [but] that's our rival." Twins manager Ron Gardenhire: "Everybody says we're the weakest division. But we've got the strongest lips."
---
Gotta love Gardy
I ask you--how many Bitch Sox bloggers do you ever see quoting "Macbeth"?
Nice stuff as usual, BG.
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow... the Tigers.
Posted by: Rieux at April 21, 2005 08:31 PMRieux--
I ask you, how many Bitch Sox fans have HEARD of Macbeth?
Posted by: TBird41 at April 21, 2005 08:35 PMThe last time Guzy hit was the first half of 2001, sadly. The Nationals should have known what they were getting. That's what separates the Twins from the rest of the league. No dumb signings ... most of the time, anyway. **cough, Juan Castro, cough *** And at least our dumb signings are cheap.
Not the way we'd have expected a Royals series to go, but we'll take them anyway we can get them. It's been a tough week, but now Morneau is coming back, Silva's back, it's about time for Radke to shake off his standard early-April funk, and one of these days Santana's going to do the 12Ks and the 6 or 7 dominant innings without spotting the other team 3 or 4 runs first. The team hasn't even started clicking yet, and they're still 10-6. The Bitch Sox, meanwhile, have had absolutely everything go right for them, which you can be pretty damned sure is not going to continue. I'll pick May 7 as the "Twins Pass Bitch Sox For Good" date this year. That team has bullpen issues, Everett is not going to keep hitting like this, and the Cubans in the rotation are too erratic. This is not a team that's going to keep winning all the one-run games.
There, that felt better.
Posted by: Andre at April 21, 2005 08:48 PMBatgirl - Are you saying the Warren Elementary third-grade musical I was in detailing the life and times of Johnny Appleseed (I was a farmer!) wasn't legitimate theater? I must say my confidence is now shaken to it's roots, and I don't know if I'll ever have the nerve to get on stage again.
Yours in stagefright,
Skorch
Posted by: Skorch at April 21, 2005 09:11 PMI consoled my sister by pointing out that the Royals got as many runs off our first two pitchers as the two young lads have pitched in major league games. (Maybe. I don't recall off-hand how many games Matt Guerrier pitched last year. If it was two, then I'm right on!)
Andre: I think Bradke showed very positive signs of being out of his early-April funk in his last outing. Alas, the rest of the Twins showed up with their "Bradke's-Pitching" bats that they used last year.
Posted by: Just Beth at April 21, 2005 09:17 PMTinger!
Watching Baseball Tonight hoping to catch some replays of any good shots from Twins game (yeah right) but I got to see Dougie's GS!!!!!! And you should have heard them just GUSH over what a marvelous 1st baseman he is.. "they got him for defense and they get offense.. " yada yada yada.
He really is putting up some pretty good numbers this season so far and seems happy. I just wish I actually got to see him play once in awhile..
As much as I love the good Dr, I really miss Dougie. *pout*
Posted by: CapitalBabs at April 21, 2005 09:21 PMRD works at one of those places where most people are tied to their computers late in the day. It became pretty obvious why productivity slipped come late afternoon because when Mr. Ford smacked his game-winning single, a low rumble of LEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWs went up from around the room. Having the mlb.com pitch-by-pitch running in the background is truly a wondrous thang.
Posted by: RonDavis at April 21, 2005 09:37 PMJust Beth: I think Radke showed some good signs in his last start, too, but I'm not so quick to blame it all on the bats in that game. Brad was four excellent defensive plays away from having a very Lohse-like outing. I don't think he's totally on his game yet, but we all know it's going to happen soon.
Posted by: Andre at April 21, 2005 10:15 PMGood points about those runs not counting.
How was the play? Dare I ask? lol
Posted by: Stacy at April 21, 2005 10:51 PMMy Dad and I took in the game today from our good seats in section 127.
What a weird, wild, strange game! BatGirl's piece captures a lot of it, but it's really hard to do justice to it.
It was eerie how often the Twins and Royals totals for Runs, Hits, and Errors matched up.
I saw in the game thread people complaining about the first two homerun calls (the ones for Torii and LeCroy)-- the reason they were weak is probably because no one was sure they were going out.
How about Torii almost getting picked off and then . . . not so much. Poor Redmond got beat all to heck, even before Sweeney slammed into him. J.C. scared me a bit.
And what was the ump's strike zone today? Totally inconsistent.
I liked how after the game, people were still saying "Lewwwwwwwww" in the halls of the Dome.
I really feel for the Royals. They know full well that they suck, they don't want to suck, but they know they won't stop sucking anytime soon. Any of us who have been in this great state for awhile can well remember the pain. And for the opponents, it's basically a no win situation. You're embarrassed if you lose to them, but you really can't take any pleasure in winning.
P.S. Baseball Tonight was one big Twins/ex-Twins love fest tonight, what with the gushing over Dougie, the assertion that Torii Hunter is now officially a Player Who Can Do Everything, Jacque Jones being picked as one of the top under-rated players in the AL, and a replay of Justin Morneau being beaned. Oh, and I think there was a little aside about the fact that "LeCroy can hit a little." Wow. Too bad it was all delivered by three of my four least favorite BBTN guys (Kruk was mercifully absent).
Posted by: Word Smith at April 21, 2005 11:01 PMNow there's something I can definitely commiserate with you guys on. I miss Mientkiewicz (YES! I spelled it right!) too. We need him and Bill Mueller on the same team, just to set the Major League Record for saying "No, it's pronounced ___."
This year is an odd-numbered year. Dougie will hit. How many people here doubted he would hit this year? (Maybe not GSs thought). But '06 will be ugly.
We traded him because he wasn't helping us last year, he wouldn't be able to help us last year, and we wouldn't be re-signing him, with Morneau finally in the Bigs for good. He deserved to be traded where he could catch the last out of the WS.
Posted by: amr at April 21, 2005 11:25 PMI hope the play was good...I just returned from the Minnesota Opera 's production of Carmen (and was reminded that, like the Royals, being in the big leagues doesn't necessarily mean you're great.)
Singing was fine, but NOBODY on that stage could act. Too bad, since Carmen is one of my fave operas...
But I digress.
I love when ESPN ignores the Twins for a month or so, and then gushes over them like they've been paying attention the whole time. And yeah, what's with the attitude from the Tigers an the Indians? What have we ever done to them? The only thing I can figure is that Magglio "Jackass" Ordonez brought his sass-mouth over to the Tigers and convinced them to get all uppity. And C.C. Sabathia...if I was him, I think I'd be crabby too.
Posted by: Carmen at April 21, 2005 11:53 PMCarmen,
I have to agree with the Worldwide Leader's on-air "coverage" of the Twins. It's all East Coast-West Coast stuff--with a bias towards the East. It makes sense, though, since they're stuck in between Boston and New York. I wonder how much their coverage would improve if they were based out of, say, Minneapolis?
Also to everyone,
I realized before the day game started that in the previous game's game thread Batgirl had "challenged" me to do the gamer (in response to my inference that Santana had a little...talk with the guys before the game started, which led to the early 3-0 lead). Even though I was pretty sure her comments her in jest, I felt bad that I had missed the comment.
So, um, I...er...did one for today's game. Uhh...click on my name...
(runs and hides...)
MK
Posted by: mk at April 22, 2005 12:33 AMMK,
I read it and loved it. Somehow, it's very easy to piture Mauer and Morneau referring to everyone else as Mr. ________. Props.
It's so funny when ESPN broadcasts a Twins game. First they A)talk about everything about the Dome, in case anyone had forgotten the turf, the baseball-colored ceiling, the lights, the speakers ... B)mispronounce someone's name (or misplace the syllabic stress, as in guz-MAN), and C) go through all the stories that everyone who follows the Twins already knows about. Cripes, I'd rather listen to Dick and Bert argue over the telestrater.
~Carmen
Posted by: Carmen at April 22, 2005 01:16 AMSo I was looking at some pics from the game today...is it just me, or is Mike Sweeney the long-lost twin brother of A.J. Pierzynski?
~Carmen
Posted by: Carmen at April 22, 2005 01:56 AMActually, I have heard of McBeth. Everyone knows she is the heir to the McDonalds fortune.
And with sympathies to Andre, I pick May 8th as the day the Sox will lose their next game.
Posted by: kojak at April 22, 2005 02:28 AMAhhh, i stand corrected. Didn't mean to blow up. Dougie hit the GS FOR the Mets. I blame that on the Post-traumatic stress that i've been dealing with since his departure. Its just so awkward to say "Dougie die (insert verb here) for (insert team other than the Twins here) today. The whole thing brings back such pain in my heart. I'm working on it though, and things seem to get better every day. Its a slow process, i'm sure many of you can relate. I'm so proud of you, Dougie!
Posted by: Tinger at April 22, 2005 04:13 AMThey didn't show enough highlights (and weirdness) from this game on the news or on Baseball Tonight.
Is it time for lego reinactments of some of the plays?
A girl can dream.
Simulacrum! Twice! I wish the Twins' clutch hitting were as consistent as BGs literate posts.
And with Redmond getting all beat up, do we maybe need five catchers now?
Jim H.
Posted by: Jim H. at April 22, 2005 08:24 AMThat had to be the greatest game of Twingo ever!! balks, errors, hr's, and all those squares your never think will be filled during a major league game....how fun!
PS> A tidbit of advise...When you get a ticket from a guy on the corner...make sure it doesn't say kids and cops promotion on it..they never sit still!
Posted by: CoachBruce at April 22, 2005 08:39 AM
Okay, so first there were no hits. Then there were lots of hits, but no runs. Yesterday, our boys scored LOTS of runs, but then they also gave up a crapload of them. Maybe with this trip to Detroit they'll have this all worked out? Maybe??
Have I mentioned to you all how much I love Lew Ford?
Posted by: TwinsGoddess at April 22, 2005 09:19 AMAlthough Lew is very deserving of BOD, somehow Mike "NBP" Redmond should get an honorable mention. That poor guy got the crap beat out of him yesterday. Hit by a pitch (in the knee no less), a bat to the back of the head, a foul tip off the foot and then a collision at the plate that I'm sure had him seeing stars.
Apparently, he likes getting the crap beat out of him. He kind of has a hint of Koskos to him.
Posted by: HooliganKat at April 22, 2005 09:39 AMCheck out what Sid wrote about Matty LaCroix ...
"You know what LeCroy does for us in the clubhouse, he brings that uplifting [feeling]," Gardenhire said. "But he's also getting a lot of big hits for us. He's doing fine. We love him around here. He's not beautiful by any means, he can't run a lick, but you know, he's a good fit for this ballclub.
"He does OK [at first]. He's not a world-beater with his glove. But he battles and he goes out there and he makes you smile when you're on the baseball field, and that's what you're looking for.
He makes you smile ... that's so sweet. Remember, next time you see Donuts on the field ... SMILE - that's what Gardy is looking for.
Posted by: Hegs at April 22, 2005 09:47 AMI was most disappointed that ESPN failed to show the Torii near-pickoff/steal - how could they not show me that? Such an odd game, and I know it's the Twins, and ESPN only cares about the Red Sox and the Yankees, but couldn't that highlight reel have been just a TAD longer?
Posted by: Cathy at April 22, 2005 10:06 AMI was ready to wake up this morning and go to the star tribune online and read about poor Redmond being run over by Sweeny. Then I wanted to come here to read peoples reactions. I wanted to read the outrage about how someone who is on a team that will be fighting for last place would run over a catcher when the ball wasn't even there when he could have just gone around him and scored...then I remembered I'm dealing with Twins fans and not Bitch Sox fans...
Posted by: dregn at April 22, 2005 11:06 AMNice job, MK, I liked it!
Posted by: Pepper at April 22, 2005 11:08 AMSo true, dregn, so true. It's sad that Bitch Sox fans still haven't gotten over that beautiful play at the plate, especially when their own manager has said that Sweetcheeks was just playing the game the way it was meant to be played. Of course, Bitch Sox fans had been deprived of seeing the game the way it was meant to be played for so long, they didn't see it for what it was. We Twins fans are used to seeing our guys play hard and can't help but appreciate when another team does the same, even if said team is trapped in last place. Hopefully NBP will be feeling better soon.
Posted by: ndtf at April 22, 2005 11:49 AMI've caught a few Mets games on the TV lately (I need my NL fix sometimes) and the Mets announcers love Dougie. Of course the way the Mets have been playing the last two weeks, they love just about everyone right now.
I scrolled through the game thread right after the game was over yesterday -- it was very entertaining. Unfortunately I was at work, so I had to fein coughing attacks a few times to hide my laughter.
By the way, Hi PsyMar. Nice to see some other NL Central folks discovering the wonder of Batgirl.
Posted by: Redbird at April 22, 2005 12:33 PMSome of those evil Bitch Sox fans have already managed to prove their hateful evilness by stating that they wish it had been Mauer getting plowed down at the plate instead of Redmond.
Bastardly Bitches.
Posted by: bubblemint at April 22, 2005 02:49 PMSigh.
Posted by: Batgirl at April 22, 2005 03:09 PMThis fun fact might bring some joy - Living here, lord knows I am sick of hearing about the Bitch Sox having their best start since 1935.
It's probably a good sign - in 1935 the Bitch Sox finished the year under .500 at 75-79.
Here's to history repeating itself.
Posted by: Cathy at April 22, 2005 04:46 PM