Kansas City at Twins. Twins 5 , Royals 4.
John Nance "Cactus Jack" Garner once told Lyndon Johnson that the Vice-Presidency "wasn't worth a bucket of warm piss." The first Vice President, John Adams, said, "[The Vice Presidency] is the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived or his imagination conceived." Theodore Roosevelt, once proclaimed, "I would a great deal rather be anything, say professor of history, than vice president." More colorfully, Harry Truman called the VPs of history, "about as useful as a cow's fifth teat." And Daniel Webster, upon turning down the office, said (rather snottily I might add) "I do not propose to be buried until I am really dead."
We have no quotes from Mr. Joe Nathan on what his feelings were upon being nominated for Veep last year on the Batgirl ticket. But it's not like Nathan to complain about the indignities of his office, and anyway his reign has been nothing short of spectacular. In fact, Batgirl is fairly sure Joe Nathan is ready to go down in history as the greatest VP of all time.
No, I'm serious. Better than Hannibal Hamlin. Better than Schuyler Colfax. Better even than Charles Dawes. Did Charles Dawes ever strike out the side? I don't think so. Aaron Burr did shoot and kill Alexander Hamilton in a duel, but that's just not cool, man.
Sure, there wasn't anything that remarkable about tonight's performance. I mean Nathan himself has one-two-three ninths all the time. And this is an April game, against the Central's reigning AAAA squad. But there was something about this save… perhaps the fans were already dizzy from the happy surprise of the Twins actually converting with the bases loaded the inning before, perhaps it was the dollar-a-dog night fumes, or perhaps it was the fact that Nathan was just fierce tonight, but it felt special. (Really, weren't you surprised when the last batter actually managed to make contact with the ball? It seems so rude of him to actually ground out instead of striking out like his predecessors. But some people have no manners.) The point is, somehow in a game where Johan Santana struck out 10, where Juan Rincon did the voodoo that he does, where Jacque Jones got a homer and two walks, where Lew Ford created a run with his choo-choo speed and Shannon Stewart knocked in a go-ahead RBI in the eighth, Joe Nathan walked off the mound the hero of tonight's game. And that, my friends, is Vice Presidential history.
As for our president, well, perhaps he had a bad inning there in the 4th, what with the 4 runs and huge Mike Sweeney three-run homer and all, but you couldn't blame him for being a wee distracted as his wife had just given birth to their second child (that would be Jasmine Alejandra, 8 pounds 6 oz) less than an hour before game time. It's not many pitchers who last seven innings with ten strikeouts and no walks on a day when they're not "on."
Not bad for man spending the bottom part of the innings listening to Kate Bush's "This Woman's Work" over and over again on his iPod. Santana left the game with a tie, then Juan Rincon came in, who is—what? President Pro Tempore? Majority Whip? Secretary of Sheer Awesomeness and Kick Ass? Whatever his position, Boo made the Royals feel very, very bad about themselves in the 8th, then we scrapped together a run, and then it was time for the Vice President.
If we were any other team, the 9th inning of tonight's game might have been a little frightening. The Twins had managed to eke out that 5-4 lead the inning before, but if there were any justice in baseball (and I don't mean David) about a dozen failed opportunities should have damned us tonight. That one run shouldn't have been enough, but I don't think there was one person in Twins Territory who didn't know that the Royals might just as well have shut off the lights in the dugout and gone home when Nathan took the mound.
As for the Royals, if they didn't know that at the beginning of the inning, they sure caught on quick. And Nathan, well, he truly exemplifies the standard for the office set out by former VP Dan Quayle: "One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.'"
For more fun with the Vice Presidents, visit The Vice Presidential Quiz!
Posted by Batgirl at April 21, 2005 12:00 AMBatgirl, you are the best. No one compounds my joy after a win and soothes my soul after a loss like you. Thank you so much for deleting all those troller posts today -- I can only imagine how totally annoying that must have been. You are the supreme high goddess of all things awesome.
AMEN to SaraZ's post!!
Also, I'm very glad Nathan is being such a gracious veep. What a guy!
Weird how the pres and veep's wives both had babies within 5 months of each other.
Posted by: Stacy at April 21, 2005 12:33 AMAnd I much appreciated VPs comments after game about taking some of the burden off his wife by caring for their baby when home. Truly special that our President and VP can still pitch so well when babies are on their mind.
Posted by: Dr. Jane at April 21, 2005 12:37 AMJuan Rincon: Majority whiplash? He'd make a much better ambassador to the UN than Bolton, but then again, so would any of the Teletubbies. Wait--I've got it! As the setup man, Secretary of the Interior!
Posted by: twink at April 21, 2005 12:45 AMThat quiz was hard. here is an easy one- who's glad the twins didn't get rid of Jacque(itch) Jones?
Posted by: Mike&Jane at April 21, 2005 01:28 AMWell said Batgirl :)
Posted by: Sludge and Lake at April 21, 2005 04:13 AMWhat SarahZ said...you're the best BG. And I couldn't agree more with the ESPN guy...you not only deserve a seat at this year's victory table (sigh, if we can figure out how to beat the Bitch Sox), you deserve a locker, right next to Boo.
Posted by: Oh at April 21, 2005 05:19 AMCongrats to El Presidente and the first lady, Yasmile.
Boo for Secretary of State!
Posted by: E-9 at April 21, 2005 07:51 AMThe Twins win, and the Timberwolves season is over. No more Timberwolves games on television instead of the Twins. That makes me happy.
Posted by: NIH at April 21, 2005 07:52 AMDitto on the props to BG. I like Boo as Bullpen Majority Whip. Although whatever office he fills, I'm sure he'll fill it well.
Also, did anyone else notice that they are skipping Lohse's turn in the rotation? I hope this doesn't backfire, given Lohse's apparently fragile ego: "You're skipping ME for Lad Gasske? A rookie?!"
I hope Gardy and Anderson take the extra time to try to exorcise Lyle Kohse from #49's body.
Posted by: sacky at April 21, 2005 07:57 AMfavorite sight at the dome last night...a t-shirt which read "I (heart) Dome Dogs"
Posted by: double-a at April 21, 2005 07:57 AMhttp://www.startribune.com/stories/509/5360415.html
Arrrrgh! How long will they torment us with this sham? Who do LeRoy and Corky Miller have naked pictures of? (Wait, we have that other catcher ... I think I just answered my own question)
Posted by: E-9 at April 21, 2005 08:01 AMDear BatGirl,
I apologize for being soooooo late to the party. I've just "discovered" your site. I am a White Sox fan (HORRORS!!!) and I think this is easily one of the funniest and best baseball forums I've read. KUDOS!!!
Keep calling us the "Bitch Sox" , "Crazy Carl" and "Darth Thomas". It's all good.
A word of caution however - as a lifelong Chicagoan I can tell you that the way you stress and agonize during the Twins-Sox series makes you sound like - well, this is not easy for me to say to you BG - a CUBS FAN!!!! (I say it out of love.)
In fact, can you adopt the Cubs as your National League team and do a BG site for them? That way White Sox fans won't have to wait until August to enjoy your site again.
Keep up the excellent work!! (You too JEB!!!) See you in August.
Agree: AMEN to SaraZ's post!!
Congrats to El Presidente and the First Lady on their newest little girl! I did like hearing about Nathan helping his wife with little Cole, too.
I'm in favor of Secretary of the Interior for Juan (although since Secretary of State is third in line for the president, that's appropriate, too). And I hope skipping Kyle in the rotation makes Lyle pouty enough to find a non-Twin body to inhabit. I agree with all the coaches that Kyle is a good pitcher and has great stuff--if he can keep it together. I hope they figure out the problem. It would be great to see the vintage 2002/2003 of Kyle Lohse on the mound. 2004 was just a poor year for Kyle.
Just Beth
Posted by: Just Beth at April 21, 2005 08:12 AMIf we each donate a dollar, can we send one of the "Don't Blame me, I voted for Santana/Nathan" baby creepers to the new baby?
Posted by: CarrieIC at April 21, 2005 08:14 AMIn Reusse's column today, he said that it's been 9 months since Johan lost a game and he just has a baby yesterday. Coincidence? Reusse called it her the unbeaten baby.
Congrats El Presidente and Mrs. Santana!
Posted by: SoftballSuperstar at April 21, 2005 08:25 AMInteresting song selection by El Presidente. You know, I love Kate Bush, but I had to take a quick search through the collection to find it on her "The Sensual World" album. I've tried listening to this album a couple times over the years and it still hasn't clicked for me (although it's come highly recommended from other Kate Bush fans). Still, I gave this one a spin on the drive in to work and will concede it's a standout track on par with some of her best songs. I especially like the piano work.
At least he wasn't listening to Manowar.
Posted by: Skorch at April 21, 2005 08:38 AMI didn't really think about this til after reading Reusse's column, but I think that Johan's last 9 months might have been the best 9 months ever. He has a Cy Young, became El Presidente, has a medal of gratitude from his home country, is 17-0, has sat almost 200 bitches down and concieved and had (w/ an assist from the first lady) a baby daughter. The only thing (and I mean the only thing) he's missing is a World Series ring. And I still think it was probably the best 9 months anyone has every had. And if he keeps it up, he'll get that ring and will be in the running for best 15 months ever.
Posted by: TBird41 at April 21, 2005 08:55 AMCongratulations to the President and the first lady - and VP - you're fabulous too!!
And Boo - that Voodoo that you do -yup - keep it going!!
Life is Good
Much Love
Wonder Woman
Batgirl - I think they are playing TWINGO today Good luck!!
I'm very happy for the first family, a new addition, congratulations!!
I also have to agree with Donnalove, watching the VP mow 'em down was, well, let's just say I hope it was as good for him as it was for me.
I also have to say that after the throwing error that sent Lew to 2nd, I almost spit out my soda I was laughing so hard, first he almost did a face plant right on the basepath after rounding 1st, then he slid into 2nd practically from right field. I love watching Lew run the bases, it is truly entertaining. Between him and LeRoy it's like watching Laurel and Hardy.
Best wishes to Johan and Yasmile and La Pequeña Presidente Nueva! Giving up that homer is totally excusable under the circumstances.
P.S. I had a very unpleasant experience with the White Sox Group Sales Department yesterday and I need a big Minnesota Nice hug right now. I hate those stinkers!
Posted by: MRG at April 21, 2005 09:20 AMSince we're all talking about El Presidente and VP Nathan, it seems fitting to mention that All-Star voting is now available. I tried to be fair in my voting, but can I help it if my favorite player at every position plays for the Twins?
Posted by: ND Twins Fan at April 21, 2005 09:31 AMTwingo+Batgirl+NoWork=Heaven... today will be a good day!
Posted by: Waterboy23 at April 21, 2005 09:40 AM
Yes, there was Twingo. I didn't win, and I wasn't a weiner winner (AGAIN), but Johan got 10 strikeouts, Lew displayed some most charming antics, the Charman hit himself a belated birthday HR, and Shannon Stewart did NOT hit into a double play! Plus, Demi #1 was my pretzel and Coke runner while Demi #2 composed love notes to Johan, in Spanish, on the back of her non-winning Twingo card. All in all, it was a good game.
And to top it all off, there's a new little Santana! Congratulations Johan! Happy Birthday!
Posted by: TwinsGoddess at April 21, 2005 09:52 AMNIH, you hit it on the head. Coming home last night to find the lame-o Wolves on chapped my hide severely. I have no time for any sport that horns in on my Twins season. (Although I admit I usually forgive hockey playoffs.) It's baseball season--all other sports get the hell off the TV!
I agree with Sara Z as well--I'm new to the scene, but Batgirl is swell. Rincon for Majority Whip would be excellent, although I think Attorney General would be a good office for him as well. And my friend and I call LeCroy 'The Hayseed.' It's just so fitting.
~Carmen
Posted by: Carmen at April 21, 2005 09:56 AMP.S. CarrieIC, I'm in!
Posted by: TwinsGoddess at April 21, 2005 09:56 AMA lot of Twins fans really seem to have it in for poor Matthew LeCroy, and I just don't understand why. I mean, sure he's a bit portly, and he's not a defensive superstar, but the guy's hitting pretty well this year. AND he travels to local school to tell kids not to be bullies! Let's cut the man some slack!
On the nickname front, the Dome scoreboard last night claimed that Joe Mauer's nickname is Joey Da Gun. My vote still goes to Quick Swing McMauer.
Skorch: Manowar?? As in "Masters of the Wind"? Shudder.
Posted by: Roscoe at April 21, 2005 10:15 AMYes, it was a great game. I wish I would have been able to see it. Seeing that the game was not televised, I headed down to the dome hoping to see a good game. What I saw instead were the backs of a lot of idiots, who having moved from the cheap seats, spent their time standing up talking on their cell phones waving frantically to their friends in other sections. Note to all of these people: Sit your ass down and watch the game! I thought this crap was supposed to be over now that opening weekend is over, but it seems to have spilled into the rest of the season. I cannot handle an entire season of this.
P.S. Donnalove - I think Lohse's lack of BOD status has directly resulted in him being skipped in the rotation.
Posted by: E at April 21, 2005 10:27 AMDid anyone else freak out last night when Luis "I lost it in the lights" Rivas almost lost the game for us? I did. My dream infield would be
Tiffee at 3rd, Bartlett at Short, Cuddy at Second,
Morneau at 1st. When is Justin back anyway.
We need sticks in the lineup -
TW1NS
I know what you mean, TW1NS. I seem to yell at Rivas at least twice a game for some jackassery or other. (It's gotten better now that we don't have Loseman spreading laziness germs from short, but still).
I've still got love for Punto, though. Love that kid. I'd take him over Cuddyer at 2nd.
Posted by: Carmen at April 21, 2005 10:34 AMCan anyone explain to me why Castro or lil' Nicky couldn't be sent down instead of Terry Tiffee? I'm assuming that Castro is out of options, but what about lil' Nicky. I just think it's a shame that we can't keep Tiffee since he's been playing so well and especially since his name sounds like a porn star's.
Posted by: Vince at April 21, 2005 10:36 AMOn the replay it almost looked like Luis was taking cover from the ball. You are a ball player Luis, you can't be afraid of the ball coming out of the sky.
*shakes head*
Posted by: HooliganKat at April 21, 2005 10:39 AMHow does everyone feel about the new PR guy? He's better than I thought he'd be, but I am still missing Bob Casey terribly. That man was one of my favorite things about the Dome.
The new guy is allright, I guess, but he just sounds so vanilla, especially compared to Bob Casey.
Posted by: Roscoe at April 21, 2005 10:56 AMBecause I adopted Johan Santana at Batgirl's behest when contract negotiations were upon us in the offseason, I believe this makes me the new "abuela" and all you batlings should be sending congratulatory messages my way.
Posted by: Spike at April 21, 2005 10:58 AMWarning: Picky usage point. BG wrote "The Twins had managed to eek out that 5-4 lead..." That should be 'eke.' Eek is what we had been saying when the bases were full of Twins, and I'm very glad that our boys managed to actually score in those situations.
much love...
Jim H.
Posted by: Jim H. at April 21, 2005 11:06 AMDear Jim,
Picky usage points are encouraged on Batgirl. Bless you.
Love,
BG
Batgirl is my only "abuela."
Comprende?
Con mucho gusto,
YankeeFan
Li'l Nicky has no options either.
Let's have a little love for Pobre Luis! After all, he did make a wonderful diving stop in the first inning. He does deserve some kudos on occasion as well as the equally deserved boos.
Also, I defy any of you to have caught that ball. I'm down virtually at field level and just after he missed that ball I turned and looked up into those lights. I immediately had to close my eyes! They're very bright!
So I guess I'm saying that although Pobre Luis does make some boneheaded decisions at times, I don't think that was one of them. Also do give him credit when due!
Schoolmarm for the day chiding the youngsters
Posted by: Dr. Jane at April 21, 2005 11:26 AMBat Girl -
Thanks again for your intelligent, witty, and downright funny writing. Win or lose, you always make revisiting yesterday's game worthwhile. I must admit, the BatGirl site does cut into my productivity - but that's really my bosses problem and not yours - right? I feel a long, late lunch coming on. Maybe I need to walk over to 5th and Chicago. Dammit - somebody just scheduled a 3:30 meeting. How about a quick 2 hour game . . . Cough, I think I'm coming down with something. Flu, seasonal allergies, must leave work. Must reschedule meeting.
Actually, I must confess that I think many times BG's posts are a tiny bit funnier when the Twins lose...
Oh, the irony.
Posted by: TwinsGoddess at April 21, 2005 11:30 AMKeep TTiffee - dump Corky.
I'm not an underwriter, but an insurance policy that is 0 for 8 sounds like a bad investment. So what if Corky is out of options. He's 29, a career .196 hitter. Go ahead and let soemone else claim him off the waiver wire. What a waste of a roster spot.
Ummmmm.... according to my memories of high school Spanish, abuela means grandmother. Is that really what you meant, YankeeFan and Spike? Girlfriend would be novia.
Sinceramente,
Pepperita
Pepperita,
Yes, it means grandmother. As a married man (and BG being married her ownself) I suspect that her being the "abuela" to end all "abuelas" would suit all parties just fine. And if it got a chuckle out of one or two, all the better.
El Hombre Quien Gusto Los Jankees en SAP
Posted by: YankeeFan at April 21, 2005 11:55 AMGotcha, El Hombre YF, con mucho divertido.
Posted by: Pepper at April 21, 2005 11:59 AM"Let's have a little love for Pobre Luis! After all, he did make a wonderful diving stop in the first inning. He does deserve some kudos on occasion as well as the equally deserved boos."
I totally agree Dr. Jane. I think over the last several games he has definitely done some GREAT things. I think he is definitely better at 2nd than Cuddyer.
Cuddy has had his own troubles with both fielding and batting so far this year but his home is 3rd, not 2nd.
Posted by: CapitalBabs at April 21, 2005 12:43 PMThis is my first post on this site, and I have to say, Bat-Girl, your site is wonderful. It's nice to see things from a fellow female fan's POV. Thanks for the wonderful posts. :)
Congrats to the Santanas!
Posted by: J-Baby at April 21, 2005 02:29 PMCome on, nobody really likes Manowar.
Poor Kyle, screwed by the BODSHC!
Posted by: Donnalove at April 21, 2005 06:37 PMAlso, I love El Presidente, but couldn't he have come up with more creative names? His older daughter is named Jasimile, which is the same as his wife's name, with a J instead of a Y. Now they have Jasmine. Very similar name. If they have a boy, will it be Yohan?
Posted by: Donnalove at April 21, 2005 07:06 PMDear Ms. Love,
The BODSHC is a harsh mistress.
Sincerely,
Batgirl
p.s. Your boyfriend did get a whole post about his awesomeness, though. Does that not help?
Posted by: Batgirl at April 21, 2005 09:27 PM