Twins 2, Rangers 0

Once again, it's time for everybody's favorite television show:

That’s JustIncredible!

Where we take a look at the random, weird, and downright justIncredible developments in the world today. There’s that cute lady, and then there’s that other Minnesota football guy, and, of course, our beloved host, a noted doctor of boomieboomie and emerging first baseman: JustIncredible!

Sadly, that cute lady and that Minnesota football guy will have nothing to do with this episode

JustIncredible: Thank you, thank you. Your applause is fabulous! You’re too kind. Despite the fact that I went 0 for 2, you all still tune in to watch my show. And it’s great. A special thanks to all of you who wrote in your support of our recent episode about “Why Do The Bitch Sox Bitch So Much? Isn’t it justINCREDIBLE?”

But tonight, I’d like to get serious and talk about the arts. Too many times in our society and our business, the arts get the short end of the stick. Some people know good art when they see it and and some people don't. It's just one of those incredible things. I for one know it when I see it. Tonight’s guest and noted pitching artist: Rad Bradke.

Rad: Thanks Justin, it’s a pleasure to be here.

JustIncredible: No problem, Rad. We’re happy to have you. So tell me, why have you decided to take up painting?

Rad: Well, Justin, I have to say, I honestly got so tired pitching such beautiful masterpieces and still having the team lose the game that it was driving me nuts. I mean, I have a sub-4.00 ERA before tonight and under 10 wins. Not only was I driving Fantasy Baseball fans crazy, I was driving myself crazy.

I decided to expand my horizons and do something that was just for me. That was something that I could always “win” at.

JustIncredible: Really? How did you go about doing this?

Rad: First, I went to the museums.

Expose yourself to art!

Rad: It was a mind bending experience. I looked at those beautiful paintings and said to myself, “If I can pitch brilliantly, I can paint brilliantly.” Here is a slide of my first piece:

Slide #1

JustIncredible: Um, Rad? My mom has a copy of that in her bathroom hanging over the toilet.

Rad: Really? That's weird. I actually didn't paint that one. I was just sketching with crayons. How'd your mom end up with it?

(Awkward Pause.)

Transferring from crayon sketches to actual brush strokes was way harder than I thought. Just as the Twins would struggle with scoring runs in my games, I struggled with artistic creativity. I felt like I was alone in a dark room. I felt like I did when on those few occasions this season I didn’t pitch so rad.

A Dark Place

But then, then, something happened. I remembered I once won 20 games in a season. I had a breakthrough. For Picasso, there was Guernica. For me, there is Terry Tiffee. I let it flow. Here is my latest masterpiece hanging in my studio:

A Man and His Creation

JustIncredible: Dude, that’s like, a naked lady.

(Awkward Pause.)

Can I buy it and hang it in my house? The Chairman would love it.

Rad: She’s totally naked. But not in an Anna Benson way.

You know what? You can have it. I'm beyond painting now. I'm into a whole new pitch/paint-tastic phase. It involves making people--bitches, if you will--sit down more.

Do me a favor though, just don’t show the painting to Lew. I think it would warp his sensitive mind.

JustIncredible: Rad, that’s JUSTINCREDIBLE!

Posted by el diablo at September 3, 2004 04:00 AM