Twins at Angels. Twins 7, Angels 1.
I have no idea why anyone ever let the Fox network get their hands on baseball. I mean, despite the best efforts of Bud Selig, baseball is still basically an understated game, full of tradition and, dare I say, dignity. Fox wants football, that's fine with me; take the pituitary cases ramming into each other and put as many lasers and sound effects and computer animated football-playing robots as you want on the broadcast. I don't care. But can't you leave Batgirl's pastime alone? Fox has already turned the All-Star Game into something akin to the Miss America pageant, minus the swimsuits and breast amplification, and every time I watch one of their Game of the Week broadcasts I transform into the Incredible BatHulk and start swearing violently and throwing things around the BatQuarters. Batgirl smash!
Like, for instance, Scooter. Have you seen Scooter? Scooter is an animated baseball that explains to us that a slider is a pitch that slides. And while Batgirl greatly believes in making the game accessible, does it really have to be with a f----in' smiling animated baseball? And why is it called Scooter? Why not Zippy or Booger or Billy or, for that matter, Goober? Or how about Ass-face? Ass-face the animated baseball. Want to know what a change-up is? Just ask Ass-face! Hello Ass-face! (Batgirl makes high squeaky voice) Hello Batgirl! Would you like to learn about a split-finger? Thank you, Ass-face! No problem, Batgirl, it's my job to teach alllllll the childrens about baseball.
But it's not even Ass-face, nor the relentless, shameless advertising—which Batgirl, alas, has become used to thanks to Fox Sport Net's visionary whoring of every aspect of the game. Pretty soon, they're going to start sponsoring the sponsoring, so the next Dodge Game Reset will be brought to you by Cambria countertops—that really bothers Batgirl.
No, the real problem is that the Fox national announcers are just utter and complete boobs. I mean they seem to have a sense of the basic principles of baseball, undoubtedly thanks to Ass-face, and really, they should be commended for that. But still—call Batgirl crazy—she believes that if you are going to cover a baseball team on national television, it is incumbent on you to spend ten minutes before said game reviewing the basics of how to pronounce the names of at least the starting line-up. I mean, no one's expecting you to do the whole twenty-five man roster—that's crazy talk.
I mean, yes, we're the Minnesota Twins and most national announcers don't know anything about the team beyond "Torii Hunter catch good." And why should they, really? We're in the Midwest, flyover country, a small-market team, destined to go back into baseball oblivion just as soon as we stop winning so much. And could we cut that out, please, because Frank Thomas sure makes good copy.
Yes, Batgirl is irritated. First they kept referring to Johan K. Santana as "Joanne." Then they informed us that "Crist-yan" Guzman's nickname was "Goozy." They actually had it written out. And I just wanted to ask, "Hey, Fox Sports guys, this guy's last name is Guzman. G-U-Z. So if you hear the nickname Guzie, how do you think it's spelled? When Jacque Jones made a spectacular catch in the second inning, one of the announcers called him Shannon Stewart. Later, they referred to Hunter as Jones. Now I know it's hard, but if you're confused, try looking at the names on the back of the uniforms. That will help. We were also treated to a game's worth of Henry "Blank-o," which is fine because it's not like he's been in the major leagues for any amount of time.
And this is when they talked about the Twins at all. Mostly we got a very informed and impassioned lesson on the Angels, on their history and influence, their agony and their ecstasy. We heard about ten minutes of orgiastic discourse on the fielding of converted first baseman Darin Erstad. Apparently, he's a shoo-in for the gold glove, because nobody's ever seen a first baseman who can field! It's like a miracle! Can you name another first baseman who really can field? I sure can't.
Anyway, Batgirl started smashing things at about the third inning, and could be heard screaming things at the television like, "If you call Johan Santana 'Joanne' one more time, I'm going to come over there!"
Well, they called my bluff, that's for sure. Later the announcers started talking about Mr. Santana's first name, about the unusual nature of the hard "J" in a Latino name, and one guy said, "It's just one of those universal names! Joanne is Joanne is Joanne, wherever you're at!"
I guess the bright side is Batgirl had time to focus on smashing things and announcer-related rage because of the terrific performance of Johan Santana and his merry band of ballsmashers. Santana pitched seven complete innings, only allowing four hits and one run. Bartolo Colon didn't fare nearly as well, giving up four runs in the third inning, thanks to an RBI single by Stewart, and a 3 run homer by Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones also distinguished himself admirably in the field, making two dazzling catches, one of which he was actually given credit for.
The Angels' win streak has stopped at nine, which is probably a good thing, inertia wise, while the Twins' has started at one. We remain at least 7 games up on our nearest rivals, and Johan Santana continues to motor toward his Cy-season. Now, if we could just get someone to pay attention…
Posted by Batgirl at August 28, 2004 07:00 PMBatgirl, you are, quite simply, amazing. In the words of the only president to graduate from my college, "I feel your pain".
As someone who's going to school in DC, I'm stuck dealing w/ all the Boston, and New York fans who refuse to respect the Twins, and continue to say the Twins have no chance in the playoffs. Of course, our record against their teams have no impact on their thoughts. I had someone tell me that Johan was having one good season and had come from nowhere. TBird SMASH. Anyway, your recaps keep me sane.
Thanks,
TBird
Dont forget "Jason" Morneau! I hate to say it, but I flinched that time. Thanks Fox.
Posted by: sam at August 28, 2004 07:27 PMYou'd think someone who was named Jose Mota and occasionally slipped into a Hispanic accent would stick with one pronunciation of Johan/Joanne/Hohan, regardless of accuracy. Although I suspect the accent was for street cred.
By the way, BG, your site is slightly more priceless when translated through asksnoop.com
Posted by: Mitcho at August 28, 2004 07:31 PMI was thinking the same things throughout the game. At one point, I almost muted the damn TV.
But regardless, a good game.
Posted by: Jason at August 28, 2004 07:32 PMWell: when/if the Twins advance to the World Series, they'll start getting some love from the eastern oligopoly that controls the press. On the other hand, maybe not, because at that point, the Yankees will be out of it and they'll have lost interest. Having been bounced twice in a row from the playoffs -- and, let's face it, seeing teams like the Royals far more than, say, the A's or the Yankees -- doesn't lend a lot of credibility to their case that they're for real. Not that this is the Twins' fault; it's just the neighborhood. Quick, name the only teams from either league's Central division to advance to the World Series. Trick question: it's been the Indians, twice (once in 1995 and again in 1997).
Just got back from the game -- it weren't unexpected to see Santana thrash the Angels. He's probably the only Cy Young candidate with real credentials in the AL. Frankly, I think he'll run away with it; the A's just aren't going to keep either of Harden/Mulder together without Krazy Glue, and Zito's lost some zip.
Posted by: Rob McMillin at August 28, 2004 07:35 PMI had a friend text message me and say "did you hear them call Morneau, 'Jason'?" This friend has only been involved in Twins baseball for about a year. So WHY is it that these announcers who have been doing this for YEARS can't pay attention? I chalk it up to a lack of respect. They don't CARE enough to know the players names.
Another classy moment came when one of them said something about how "Joanne" wasn't having a bad outing today. I kept thinking---"he hasn't had a "BAD" outing since like...May! Way to start noticing him now!" Makes one appreciate Dick and Bert even more.
It's nice the Twins get national attention for once--but my question is, is it worth it if the announcers aren't going to do the team justice?
I just ran it through asksnoop.com! It's great!!!!!!!
Posted by: Goober at August 28, 2004 07:45 PMJust curious, but did anyone hear any mistakes on the Angels side of the discussion? I was listening, hoping against hope that the dumbass announcers might be just too stupid to know anything about either team, but it appeared to me that they were just anti-Twins.
At least we weren't playing the Yankees or they would have been waxing poetic on the sheer wonder that is the Yankee payroll.
Posted by: E at August 28, 2004 08:08 PMBatgirl, maybe you aught to go out for Fox Sports broadcaster? Just a thought.
Posted by: Yashyn at August 28, 2004 08:20 PMSo WHY is it that these announcers who have been doing this for YEARS can't pay attention? I chalk it up to a lack of respect. They don't CARE enough to know the players names.
Are these guys also doing football? Because nobody cares when you're wrong about football. There's no dead space in the broadcast; it's either guys getting crushed, guys lining up to get crushed, guys kicking the ball, or perky cheerleaders with very, very brief costumes doing things that no 14-year-old girl should ever, ever emulate.
That said... the national guys screw up every club whose name isn't "Yankees". They've been pronouncing Adrian Beltre "Bell-TRAY" in the French manner, when he's actually a Spanish-speaker from the Dominican; the accent is therefore on the first syllable. I hope he manages to hold the major league home run record through the end of the season just so Jon Miller might stand a chance of learning how to say his name correctly. Going from Vin Scully to that garbage is like being amputated by 220 grit sandpaper.
Posted by: Rob McMillin at August 28, 2004 08:24 PM"Like, fo' instance, Scooter n' shit. Have yo' ass seen Scooter? Scooter is an animated baseball that explains us that a slider is a pitch that slides, know what I'm sayin'? And while Batgirl greatly believes in making da game accessible, does that shiznit really has be wit a f----in' smiling animated baseball? And why is that shiznit called Scooter? Why not Zippy or Booger or Billy or, fo' that matter, Goober? Or how 'bout Ass-face? Ass-face da animated baseball, know what I'm sayin'? Want know what a change-up is? Just ax Ass-face! 'Sup Ass-face! (Batgirl makes high squeaky voice) 'Sup Batgirl! Would yo' ass like learn 'bout a split-finger? Thank yo' ass, Ass-face! No problem, Batgirl, that shiznit's my job teach alllllll da childrens 'bout baseball, know what I'm sayin'?"
Classic.
Posted by: Will at August 28, 2004 08:35 PMI wore my shirt today around campus. People thought it was great.
Posted by: The 7th Angel at August 28, 2004 09:19 PMI knew the game announcers were going to be bad when I heard JASON. What the HECK?!
Posted by: Stacy at August 28, 2004 09:34 PMThe solution to this problem is the same as when Joe Morgan and the Stupid White Guy do their regular routine of refusing to take time out of their busy small-talk to do some play-by-play on ESPN.
Mute the TV and listen to the game on the radio.
This is even more fun when the broadcasts are about five seconds off from each other.
Posted by: Jon at August 28, 2004 10:01 PMJust tried the ,,,asksnoop.com,,,tooooooo funny..Give it a try....Steve
Posted by: Steve at August 28, 2004 10:24 PMI wish I could asksnoop.com the post about Kris Benson and what might have been.
Posted by: James at August 28, 2004 11:02 PMDear Jon,
You mean like this?
ESPN Commentary on Twins vs. Mariners game
With ESPN's Jon Miller & Joe Morgan
Top of the 1st…
Jon: Welcome to Safeco Field in Seattle…home of Ichiro Suzuki and the Seattle Mariners.
Joe: Yep…Ichiro Suzuki is the only player of any importance on the field tonight…
Jon: Here’s the first pitch…Joe, I understand you had dinner with Ichiro last night…
Joe: Yes I did Jon…his interpreter came along too, of course…we’ll be bringing you the play by play of that dinner and a subsequent interview throughout the course of the game tonight…
Jon: Oh…it looks like the first batter for the team opposing Ichiro’s team tonight took a walk…
Joe: and the next batter struck out, thanks to the pitcher for Ichiro’s team…
Jon: So tell me Joe, where did you and Ichiro dine last evening?
Joe: Well Jon, we were at one of the fabulous Seattle Japanese seafood places. I had…
Jon: It seems that the third man up to bat is walking toward first base…sorry to interrupt you Joe, please continue…
Joe: Well Jon, as I was saying…I ordered a wonderful teriyaki…
Jon.: Excuse me Joe…apparently the opposing team has managed to drive in a run, so they are leading Ichiro’s Mariners 1 to 0…
Joe: No problem Jon…this restaurant has the most amazing sushi appetizers…so before we actually ordered dinner…
Jon: Sorry again Joe…we have to go to commercial now…after another walk then a double play to end the inning…Ichiro’s Mariners are now down 1-0 to the opposing team…
Bottom of the 1st
Jon: Ichiro is at the plate for his first at bat…first pitch…OHHH it’s a foul ball…but boy he sure had a good eye there didn’t he Joe?
Joe: He sure did Jon…Ichiro can really hit…he came so close to that one I could taste it…
Jon: second pitch….OHHHHH another foul ball…but he was even closer this time Joe…
Joe: Yes he was Jon…so close…just the way he sees the ball right out of the pitcher’s hand…it’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen…
Jon: third pitch…AND IT’S A HUGE SINGLE TO CENTER FIELD!!! ICHIRO HAS DONE IT AGAIN!!!
Joe: CAN YOU BELIEVE IT JON?? ICHIRO GETS ANOTHER INCREDIBLE SINGLE!!!
Jon: Here’s the next batter…the count is 2 and 1…AND ICHIRO TAKES OFF FROM FIRST AS THE BALL IS HIT…LOOK HOW FAST THIS GUY CAN RUN!!! AND HE’S….out at 2nd…and the batter is out at first..a double play to end the exciting play of Ichiro Suzuki in the 1st inning…
Joe: he looks so dejected as he jogs back to the dugout Jon…anyway, let me get back to my dinner tale…you know Ichiro says that it’s very difficult for him to find good Japanese restaurants here in the US…but we sure did find a good one last night…Ichiro says it’s his favorite place in all of Seattle to have…
Jon: Sorry to interrupt this captivating story yet again Jon, but the 3rd Mariners batter has just flown out to left center field…that’s the end of this inning…Ichiro’s Mariners are still down 1-0 to the opposing team…and we go to commercial…
Top of the 2nd
Jon: Welcome back to Safeco Field, where Ichiro Suzuki and the Seattle Mariners are playing another riveting game of baseball…unfortunately, the opposing team has just managed to get another run…a homerun off of the first pitch which we weren’t expecting at all, so we didn’t even bother to time the commercial break in order to get back in time to show it to you…so Ichiro’s Mariners are down 2-0…
Now Joe, I’m really interested to hear about the different kinds of sushi that you had last night during your dinner with Ichiro…
I was hoping that this was some sort of joke that the announcers for today's game were calling Johan "Joanne". But it appears that my only recourse is to sit in stunned, staring silence by their complete disassociation with the current honkball landscape. Honestly, how do these schmucks have jobs as baseball broadcasters? I didn't even realize the game was on TV today, not that it mattered, I had to go to Northfield today and could only listen to the first 5 innings on the radio.
However, if it means the Twins keep winning like this, they can call the entire team "those guys that Puckett played for in the 70s" for all I care.
Bubblemint - That was right fucking on. Terrifying, is yours the voice they hear in their IFB earpiece telling them what to say? That must be fun. Tell Joe Morgan to kiss Jon Miller tomorrow night, I think we'll all enjoy that.
Fox's superficial mishandling of baseball is one of the reasons that fans should have had more support for Pyrrhic Victory. Remember last year's playoffs, when Joe Buck went on forever making fun of Koskie's tiny Anola, Manitoba, and they gave out the phone number of its only restaurant? What the funk? Compared to these clowns ESPN's people are Pulitzer winners.
In their defense, the last few times the Twins were on Fox, it was Blyleven and some other shmuck, so it was probably a very Twins-centric broadcast. I guess recruiting partisans is Fox's way of keeping it real. I do have a strange thing for Jeannie Zelasko tho.
This brings up one issue though: How exactly do you pronounce "Johan?" Assuming that the J is pronounced as a Y, what about the last syllable? Is it "han" like "Hans" or "han" like "hand?" (I prefer the former, but I've heard it both ways in these parts.) And what about Lindsey Lohan?
A wonderful game, if you were smart enough to hit the mute button as soon as you saw Blyleven wasn't doing it. Not that the previous weeks' broadcasts have been that much better, but at least half the team was good. It's funny how a dud set of announcers makes BatGirl angrier than a Twins loss.
Posted by: FPM2K at August 29, 2004 01:06 AMForgive me if Supernatural for some reason prefers an alternate pronunciation, but most times Johan is pronounced YO-hon. Emphasis on the first syllable, and the "han" as in Hans. Which if you say Johan and Joanne back to back, you'll notice they sound NOTHING ALIKE. And yet these people get paid to talk about baseball. I just don't get it, because it's not like the Fox guys usually have a real compelling broadcast voice (which John Miller, for all his flaws, does indeed possess...). I don't get it at all
Posted by: Mock at August 29, 2004 02:42 AMThe incredible horridness of the announcers made me create the following thread over at a message board I use.
http://boards.gamefaqs.com/gfaqs/genmessage.php?board=2000205&topic=15974404
That about sums it up. I would have done the radio trick, but alas, I'm down in Winona for college now, and I have no clue what radio station to go to. Not that it matters though, my only radio down here is in my car...
Posted by: IcePhoenix at August 29, 2004 03:09 AMI remember watching a Twins game on TV in 2002. I lived in Washington, DC, at the time, and so Twins games on TV were a rare treat. I mean, I got to watch the Twins without putting money into Peter Angelos' pockts - how cool was that!
And even better, this was a regular-season game at the Metrodome! I hadn't seen my Twins play a regular-season game wearing white since Ron Coomer was their best player and I lived in Uptown. And it was the ESPN game of the week!
But then the announcers' ignorance of all things Twins reached its hideous monkey-paw out of the TV and slapped me around for a few innings. I thought to myself, "Have these guys ever actually heard of the Minnesota Twins before?" So I called my dad in Minnesota, who was of course also watching the game. Being a former broadcaster, he was privy to the reason for the insulting sucktuality of the ESPN crew: ESPN had not broadcast a game from the Metrodome in almost 10 years.
Flyover state indeed. In fact, guys, why don't you keep flying? I hear there's a nice lounge at LAX. If insulting incompetence and ignorance is the best national TV can do for the Twins, I'd just as soon they didn't bother.
Posted by: arrScott at August 29, 2004 03:33 AMDidn't get to watch the broadcast today, but seriously... Jon Miller Sucks At Life.
most ridiculous jon miller quote of all time: Twins v. Yankees, 2002... Alfonso Soriano had just stolen 2nd base.
Jon Miller: Wow, Alfonso Soriano now on 2nd. You know, Soriano is so skilled, he's just one of those players who is more dangerous on 2nd base than first!
Aussie: WTF??? You mean, like EVERY baseball player? Yes, surprisingly, Jon, EVERY baseball player is going to be slightly more of a scoring threat from 2nd base than first, you dumba**.
and I hate how they always say Crist-YAN Goo-SMAN... and pronounce every Twins player's name incorrectly. In fact, I'm going to start pronouncing his name Yon Muella. In some small way, this will provide me with satisfactory vindication.
After years of Dazzle & Gordo, and Bob Casey, one might think Twins fans would be used to anouncers who can't pronounce names and would rather talk Harleys and what happened last night at the hotel than describe what's going on with the baseball game. I hear from some quarters of Twins Nation that such things are even charming.
It was a sad display of broadcasting. On the other hand, who's ever heard of those two clowns, anyway? I never seen 'em before in my life. Well, just as long as the powers that be spell Joanne's name right on the Cy Young award, it's all good, G.
Posted by: frightwig at August 29, 2004 05:34 AM"This brings up one issue though: How exactly do you pronounce "Johan?"
--------------
The rule of thumb for Spanish pronunciation is to emphasize the next-to-last syllable, unless there is an accent on another syllable.
Jon Miller's actually very good at authentic Spanish pronunciation. I'd say he's even a stickler for it, sometimes going with the authentic way (CHA-vez) even if a player may typically go by another pronunciation (Eric Sha-VEZ). I think he is technically correct to pronounce Guzman's name Guz-MAHN. It's just that it isn't the way anybody in Minnesota says it. Then again, people in Minnesota say Nicollet sounds like 'Nick-let' and Larpenteur is 'Larpenter,' and Bob Casey always introduces Luis Rivas as 'Louie' like his first name is French Creole or something.
How Guzie himself likes to hear his own name, who knows? Has anybody ever heard him say it?
Posted by: frightwig at August 29, 2004 05:49 AMI'm thinking that it would be a really unpleasnant thing to be on the business end of a Batgirl snit.
Posted by: blogboy at August 29, 2004 06:18 AMYou young'uns with your cell phones and your Interworld will eventually find out that nothing will ever get the Eastern Media Elite to recognize the existence of the Minnesota Twins... two world championships didn't do it, and neither would ten consecutive ones. Savor the secret™.
As for Scooter, he is merely there to instigate. Like the evil glo-puck and the hockey-playing robots before him, he knows that if you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.
Posted by: Baron von Squiggletooth at August 29, 2004 06:28 AMAlthough I missed the game, I (33, M) had a great conversation about the Twins with three guys in their late teens on the MTC back to the park and ride after attending the fair yesterday. I'm glad to know that baseball is still alive in the passionate hearts of at least some of our youth. Yes, Fox is absolutely shameful, and bring back TWIB for the love of God!! I agree that the "Little Mel Allen" was atrocious, but to invoke him every week was a wonderful tribute. TWIB is one of my absolute favorite memories from the late 70's and early 80's. Mike Schmidt, Willie Stargell, Tom Seaver, Tommy Lasorda, Gary Carter et al.
Posted by: BW at August 29, 2004 08:47 AMWow, that Fox broadcast must have really stunk. Almost makes me glad I live in Jax, FL now (don't every come here; it sucks) where none of Fox's national broadcasts of the Twins have been on TV. As SnoopDog would say, here, if it aint da Yanks or da Braves, it aint s........
Posted by: lubberhopper at August 29, 2004 09:32 AM>After years of Dazzle & Gordo, and Bob Casey, one might think Twins fans would be used to anouncers who can't pronounce names...
But I don't think I've ever heard Dazzle and Gordo refer to someone named Justin as Jason.
Fortunately for me, the Justin/Jason mix-up happened twice in the first few minutes of the broadcast.(I was hoping the first time was just a mistake, but then he said it again.)
At that point, the TV sound was muted and the radio was turned on, even though the radio feed is always a few seconds ahead of the satellite picture (I have DirecTV). That audio/video gap can be disconcerting, but not nearly as bad as announcers who have no apparent knowledge of the team.
Posted by: Franorama at August 29, 2004 10:26 AMTWIB is aired on my local Fox affiliate.
Posted by: Old Town at August 29, 2004 11:56 AMI would like to see Scooter as a regular announcer, giving his opinions on steroid use, the designated hitter rule, and what should be the criteria for electing Cy Young award winners.
Posted by: skutir at August 29, 2004 12:09 PMAs hideous as the errors on FOX were yesterday, I am still seething over Rob Dibble's idiotic comments on BBTN last night. He argued that Mulder deserved the Cy Young over Santana because Mulder didn't have a reliable bullpen much of the year and Santana did! What a dolt!! How much of a bullpen do you need with 6.5 runs/game from your offense? By the way, I have only recently discovered this site and it is the BEST Site EVER! Thanks Bat-Girl!!
Posted by: Chris at August 29, 2004 12:11 PMI hate the new TWIB. I don't care about who lives where or who drives what. They need more highlights than the 2 minutes of "How 'Bout That". Jennie Finch is a nice addition though.
Posted by: The 7th Angel at August 29, 2004 12:58 PMIn defense of Fox, do I dare?, I do.
Much like when the Fox saturday game originates from the Metrodome and Fox brings on Blyleven for the analysis, they used the Angels guy for the Analysis yesterday. So it makes sense that the small talk would be Angels-heavy.
However, skipping the ten minutes of pre-game prep where you learn how to pronounce the starting line-ups remains inexcuseable.
On a related note...I have a copy of MLB 2004 for the Playstation where Vin Scully pronounces a few Twins as "Mike CUD-yer" and ""Doug MINK-a-witz"
Posted by: roark at August 29, 2004 02:16 PMOh. My. God. I sat here complaining about the incompetence of those damn announcers to my best friend the entire game! I kept yelling at the TV and telling them the correct ways to pronounce them! And when I heard "Jason Morneau"? That just was the end of it! I was like, "IT'S JUSTIN!!!"
I don't understand why they don't care. The Twins are talented. We have the best pitcher in baseball....but *shrugs* I guess we're the only ones that know and sometimes it's better that way, right?
Posted by: Candace at August 29, 2004 03:38 PMI think Fox has a "stupidity training" for their announcers, because Joe Buck and Tim McCarver used to be halfway intelligent (well, Joe was anyway) when they were just the local Cardinal guys. Now, they both seem to think the world will come to an end if they don't talk constantly, so they end up babbling nonsense -- and they're better than most of the Fox teams.
Or maybe most announcers are really only capable of following one team well? How many truly national announcers are there who are any good?
Posted by: Redbird at August 29, 2004 05:11 PM