Cleveland at Twins. Twins 7, Extremely Offensive Cartoons 3.
In the sixth inning today, after Torii "Sweetcheeks" Hunter cleared the bases with a long double, C.C. "Big Boi" Sabathia beaned Dr. Morneau in the wrist. Morneau was obviously in pain, and when trainer Jimmy Kahmann came running out of the dugout, as is his wont, it looked as though he might be running right for the mound…and Sabathia. It would make perfect sense; a few months ago Batgirl called Kahmann the hardest working man in athletic support, and that was about 35 injuries ago. Kahmann's logged a lot of miles this season hurrying to various injured players on the field, and Batgirl has watched, trying to determine exactly what his stiff-backed running style reminds her of. Today she decided it is something between an ostrich and a carp.
Anyway, you couldn't blame Kahmann if he did totally lose his shit today and charge Sabathia. Morneau is really the only healthy player we have left. Batgirl imagines him falling into some kind of berserker rage, spinning around like a psychopathic top, with teeth gnashing and fists and legs flying everywhere. "This is for Torii Hunter's neck," he'd shout. "And this is for Little Nicky Punto! Here, this is for Joe Mauer, do you like that? Well do you, !@#$*&?"
Alas, Kahmann was only ostrich-carping to check the health of Morneau, who did indeed survive the injury. Sabathia, however, was quickly dispatched to the showers by Cleveland manager Eric Wedge—though were you a Cleveland fan…
well, first of all, hi! How are you? How's second place treating you? Good? Oh, I'm so glad. Remember all the taunting and boasting you bestowed on us last week? Oh, you don't remember? Well, I can't blame you. Gut wrenching seven-game losing streaks do tend to mess with your memory. A little ginkgo biloba and you'll be just fine. See you next year!
...where was I? Oh, yes; were you a Cleveland fan you might think that Wedge might have considered pulling C.C. a tiny bit earlier. Like, say, maybe in the 5th, when the game was tied 2-2, and Shannon Stewart led off with a ball that went about 407 feet to dead away center. C.C. then walked Lew Ford and gave up a single to Sweetcheeks who advanced Luscious Lew to 3rd. Justin Morneau hit a sac fly (hitting the ball about 406 feet), then LeCroy singled in Torii. Advantage, Twins.
C.C. was cooked, but he strutted out in the sixth inning anyway, hat sassily askew, and proceeded to load the bases, thanks to a Guzie single, a Blanco beaning, and an intentional walk to Shannon Stewart. Lew Ford popped out, and then Torii came on with two out and worked Sabathia for a 76-pitch at bat. Torii fouled off more pitches during this plate appearance than he's taken all season. It was as if he had suddenly been possessed by the ghost of Shannon Stewart—all the more strange since Stewart was standing 90 feet away at first base. I know walks are supposed to haunt, but that's a little silly.
Eventually, Torii found his pitch, which he hit to the very top of the baggie, driving in three runners and sending Sabathia into some kind of roid rage, which he took out on poor Morneau's wrist.
Morneau will heal, with some rest and a little ice, but will Cleveland? They were so happy last week, so excited, so positive they were going to overtake the Twins and win the Central. Now, even Chief Wahoo's smile looks a little forced. The Twins were one game up on Sunday, and today they're seven up. In this series, the Twins outscored Cleveland 20-5. Now, if we've learned anything the past couple of weeks, it's that fortunes rise and fall very quickly—but it's hard not to look at the Twins right now as a team still rising.
Posted by Batgirl at August 22, 2004 05:47 PMDid anybody else think they way Lew held onto his helmet after falling running out that ground ball to third was funny as hell?
Also it seemed like there was an inordinate amount of foul balls this game. Now fouling off fireballs from Big Boi I can understand, but the 'Toons were fouling off Bradke's 86 MPH fastballs. Seemed odd to me.
Also, I was at the game and I was disturbed by the lack of Homer Hankies. Also I was not able to yell Sit Down Bitch as it was kid appreciation day and thus I was surrounded by 8 year olds, one of whom I saw got his head stuck in the revolving doors coming into the game, ouch.
Posted by: Jack at August 22, 2004 06:51 PM"Now, even Chief Wahoo's smile looks a little forced."
Classic.
Good weekend for broom usage... and the Twins can go back to their briefly interrupted work of setting up the rotation for the playoffs. Mazel Tov, Twins Nation, and start ironing those Homer Hankies.
Posted by: jeffstoned at August 22, 2004 06:58 PMBatGirl
Today you've become all the more invaluable. I moved back to college where - GASP! - the Twins aren't on TV. I can only see Sportscenter highlights now. Please, continue your writing so that I may keep informed.
Posted by: The 7th Angel at August 22, 2004 07:24 PMI for one would like to see Kahmann go Fists of Fury on Safathia. My only concern is that the rest of the training staff would have to go retrive him from the massive Belly of Safathia with the Jaws of Death and a team of horses. But at least Little Nicky Punto would be avenged.
Posted by: LunchBox at August 22, 2004 07:54 PM'Tis true...the 'Toon fans were rather quiet this weekend. Was kind of nice, really. They all sort of made a face and looked the other way when I walked by. Being the stalwart of sportsmanship that I am, I didn't rub it in too badly ... seeing as how things could be totally different next weekend (here's hoping they aren't). GO TWINS!
On a slightly unrelated note, glad to see Morneau reach "official" boyfriend status. He holds his own on defense and as for his offense ... What's up Doc? Oh, another home run!
Ack, sorry for the blather.
Posted by: Cyberspud at August 22, 2004 09:00 PMThought I'd pass on our latest nickname for Big Boi. Crooked Cap Sabathia looked flustered today and definitely took it out on Dr. Morneau. I'm sure Justin will figure out a way to pay him back - like a major moon shot in their next meeting.
Posted by: Jane Wilkens at August 22, 2004 09:22 PMI often wonder why we trust the health of our boys to a man that cannot run, but does the Tim Conway quick shuffle. Thank you, Bat-girl, for figuring that out.
Also, I think there is one other player not on the hurt list...Cuddyer......(knock on wood for Mikey)
Posted by: dirt dawg at August 22, 2004 10:00 PMI often wonder why we trust the health of our boys to a man that cannot run, but does the Tim Conway quick shuffle. Thank you, Bat-girl, for figuring that out.
Also, I think there is one other player not on the hurt list...Cuddyer......(knock on wood for Mikey)
Posted by: dirt dawg at August 22, 2004 10:00 PMForget the game.
What did you pickup at the garage sale?
I like the new moniker Jane - It's like CC looked in the mirror thinking "what can I possibly do to make myself look stupider?" The crooked hat certainly completes the Baby Huey look.
And yes, Batgirl and Batlings...what did everyone pick up at the garage sale. I noticed a line that was already wrapping around the dome when I went inside at 10:30. Did anyone get anything good?
Dave
Posted by: SDave at August 23, 2004 08:52 AMI didn't get anything at the sale, I was specifically looking for the 3rd poster in the retro-schedule poster series from this season since I had to leave town for undisclosed reasons. If there were any to begin with they were gone by the time I got there. I stood and figuratively drooled over the Senators jersey they had, but there was no way I could justify dropping $200 for it. My friend got a couple Kielty t-shirts.
Posted by: Skorch at August 23, 2004 09:00 AMBy the way, anybody else watch the BitchSox vs Botox last night? Dougie got his first HR! Very good game, too.
Dave
Posted by: SDave at August 23, 2004 09:29 AMBatgirl and Goober walked all the way around the line, then kept on going to get some lunch.
Posted by: Batgirl at August 23, 2004 10:20 AM