Let's have Cuddyer pitch, and then LeCroy can DH for Rivas. He cannot be worse than Terry was on Sunday. I watched that entire wonderfully wretched game, and when I was near the breaking point, Mr. Mulholland leered at my hopes and dreams, scoffed, then heaved meatballs at the plate....

Pitch crappy once, Terry, shame on you. Pitch crappy twice, shame on... well, still you, but also Gardy, TR, & Co. for not pulling the plug on this experiment sooner.

On Sunday, I longed for the return of Seth Greisinger. Or for Matt Guerrier. Or (and I'm ashamed to admit this) for Carlos Pulido. I wondered audibly if Rick Helling were still available. I'm better now, but it was touch and go there for a while.

I'm gonna go with Justin Morneau. Maybe we can get a facial reaction of some sort out of him?

GOLLY! GOLLY! GOLLY!

The arrival of Dougie Defence in Boston has turned former St. Paul Saint Kevin Millar into a regular Dougie Defence. Mr. Millar threw a tantrum over the weekend that was reported, in part, thusly in the Boston Globe:

Here goes:

Millar, who began the season expecting to be the regular first baseman after anchoring the position last year, yielded in the original lineup to Doug Mientkiewicz. Millar has not started at first base in the seven games since the Sox acquired Mientkiewicz from the Twins in the blockbuster trade involving Nomar Garciaparra. Millar played left field last night.

"I'm not going to be lied to," Millar said. "I'm not going to be lack-of-communicated to. I wasn't told I was on the bench. I didn't know that was the situation. I didn't know they traded for [Mientkiewicz] to be the everyday first baseman."

Millar insisted the team would benefit from more consistency in the lineup. He also was careful not to criticize Francona.

"This is the time to get an identity for this team and we still don't have it," he said. "We're still checking lineups Aug. 7. It's frustrating. Right now, no one knows what the hell is going on. No one knows where they're hitting. No one knows where they're playing. We're in a dogfight now, but if we really have to go with 55 different lineups a week, we'll win two and lose three and win two."

RD's thought: 'Twas only a matter of time.

I would vote for Henry (that nickname doesn't do it for me), but then who would catch?

BTW, when I saw Radke's game against the newly-Mient-ed RedSox, I had my pack of drunken guys cheering for Henry. We cheered the loudest at his second at-bat and he rewarded us with that double that Manny dropped.

Free JD Durbin! Let the Real Deal deal his way into the Bigs! With a start coming against a wimpy Seattle team, he shouldn't be in over his head!

Otherwise, I say we sign Bert Blyleven to a new contract. We can mic him and he can announce as he pitches.

What's Juan 'El Gasolino' Berenguer up to these days..?

Koosman isn't dead yet, maybe we can convince him to come out of retirement.

Regardless, it seems to me that Terry SAWCHUK might be a better idea than Terry 'Here they go 'round the Mulholland bush' yet again.

Oh, come on. Terry Mulholland has vastly exceeded everybody's expectations of him this year, and I think to get down on him after two shit starts (which they were, don't get me wrong) is totally unfair.

I mean, damn, folks, what's it take? He came over as a deep reliever, and he's pitching better and with more consistency than our nominal #4 starter (and our #3 starter, some of the time). Last month we had the privilege of seeing him, at the age of a hundred and seventeen, tick the thirtieth and final team off his personal hit list, which has only happened twice before in the history of the game. If that's not a testament to the unholy shit this guy brings to the table, I don't know what it is.

I like the idea of Bert pitching in a 4th decade, plus, he can still bring it. Let Bert start, followed by Kitty Kaat. Wire them both with mic's and it would be great entertainment, no matter the outcome.

I agree with Pete here. Mulholland's done pretty well for the most part. Yes, he coughed up 3 runs on Sunday (on short rest) and his previous start won't go on the career highlight reel either, but overall he's done about what I've expected him to do. I'd rather see him on the mound than Greisinger or Guerrier at this point.

That said, I voted for the Dutchman. The idea of him calling the game as he pitches is intriguing, as you just know that regardless of where the ball winds up he'll declare it "middle-in".

It's true that Mulbelgium has done the job the Twins hired him to do - pitch when there is no one else to pitch, or when it isn't worth putting a real pitcher on the mound and wasting his time - but I'm going to have to go with Gladden on this one.

Sure, Blyleven is the better pitcher, but pitching now would set back his Hall of Fame eligibility. I'm still hoping he'll get in one of these years, and I don't want to see his candidacy put on hold for another five years.

But Gladden doesn't have any Hall of Fame hopes on the line. And he has a career ERA of 4.50 - a better ERA than Mulbelgium has posted since 1999. And Dazzle would be just as good as Bert at calling the game from the mound by wireless mic.

hey, i'm an indians fan just stumbling onto this site. your blog is absolutely awesome and even as a tribe fan, it's gotten me laughing and crying! i don't think i've cried even watching my own team and reading local editorials.

oh, and as i'm reading your july archives, i just have to plead one thing...please please don't pick on jake westbrook. pick on any other indian as you wish. but jake's really an innocent victim.

If the Twins want to drop Mulholland now, I say go with Bert.

He can do a Doyle Alexander and a half, go a perfect 13-0 down the stretch and reach 300 victories and the Hall of Fame. And, as Bert will remind us, he will be the best athlete on the field while doing so. He can still circle people right from the mound.

Gladden is a second option, but if he gets the start he must forego the Mankato Harley-Davidson ads while he pitches/announces.

If the Twins can't beat Gil Meche, the fingers should not be pointed at any pitcher--Terry, Bert or Dazzle.

Definitely Bert. I know someone who was down in Fort Myers before spring training started, and Bert was throwing to some of the guys who got there early. Apparently, they were whiffing at his pitches, and said he's still got it.

Welcome Sue, and welcome back into 2nd place.

Maybe Daunte Culpepper can throw a few innings. He's got a decent arm, and can probably intimidate a few people with his size on the mound.

BTW I'm a huge Giants fan, and I am glad to AJ Pierszinki (spelling?) on the squad. I am bitter about losing Joe Nathan, because the Gyros would not have the problems they have now if he and Tim Worrell (Phillies) were the 8th and 9th inning guys like last year.

I visited Minneapolis, missed the Twins, but loved the city. Fun place to visit - I will return someday.
Rick

I saw this 12-year-old from Kentucky strike out 17 batters in 6 innings on ESPN2 in the Little League World Series last night, with no walks and only one (lucky) hit. I say we sign that kid for 4th starter.

I vote for the real deal. I think its time to vote Fultz off the island.

The Twins just called up Matt Guerrier again, according to our esteemed AAA affiliate newspaper

(http://www.democratandchronicle.com/sports/wings/0810H456A05_sports.shtml).

TR, I was kidding, I didn't mean it. Take it back, take it back!!

You know, Rick, Daunte was drafted by the Yankees before he went on to a lucrative career in running over defensive lines, so I guess he must have played some baseball in high school. If he was a Twin, though, I'd want him at the bat and on the base paths. Imagine what Daunte would have done to Jamie Burk! They'd have collected him in a dustpan.

Will Frank Viola be available?

They were going to bring up J.D. Durbin, but he just started on Sunday and was unavailable to pitch today.

Maybe they will bring him up after today's game? (wishful thinking, I know!)

Daunte would be a good choice for catcher. He's got pretty good hands, a cannon for an arm, and he could probably block the plate like nobody's business. That and he's used to being down on the turf in the Metrodome. Ha. I'm a Colts fan, sorry.

Dear Chris,
Who knew you had a psychic link into the minds of Terry Ryan and Ron Gardenhire?

Please, be more careful next time okay?

bubblemint

"Yes, he coughed up 3 runs on Sunday (on short rest) and his previous start won't go on the career highlight reel either...."
------------
If only Mulholland's suckage stopped there. Unfortunately, his few good spot starts in July are the anomaly rather than the rule this season. I recommend a look at his splits as a reliever at the ESPN site if anybody's memory needs refreshing.

As long as we're going with a washed-up geezer at this point, I'd rather see Bert take his HOF credentials to the mound. At the very least, he's probably got a few ideas on how to rig the pitching rubber to give an unsuspecting Gil Meche a hotfoot. Who wouldn't tune in for that?

Isn't the Dazzle Man in Sturgis?

"Will Frank Viola be available?"
----------------
I saw Sweet Music doing commentary on a Little League game last night (the same one mentioned earlier where the kid struck out 17 in six innings, so we know he's alive. He could even do the wireless microphone thing too. But I think I'd still rather see Blyleven come in and pitch a few solid innings.

bubblemint,

I sincerely apologize for wishing for the return of Matt Guerrier. I was in a weakened state, as were we all after that 18-inning Greek tragedy, and I said some things I shouldn't have said.

I'll try to use my powers for good instead of evil from now on, and I've now redirected my psychic energy to get Cuddyer more time at 2nd, for a speedy recovery for the Chairman, and for Jacque and Torii to lay off the high fastballs. Here goes nothing....

My brother and I were discussing this...and we have come to the conclusion that we should have that 12 year old start against Meche tonight. We have also figured out our rotation, the bullpen and we kept our closer (obviously!!)

Rotation:
1) Brad Radke
2) Johan Santana
3) Carlos Silva
4) Bert Blyleven (mic'd and announcing as he's pitching)
5) That 12 year old

Our bullpen:
Juan Rincon, Joe Roa, Kyle Lohse, J.D. Durbin, Jesse Crain, "Barbie" (Grant Balfour), Scott Baker

We can get rid of Mulholland and Fultz, bring up the Real Deal and Baker...and hope Barbie solves all his shoulder problems

And obviously, our closer would be Joe Nathan.

With Blyleven, who has like over 3,000 career strikeouts, and that 12 year old, who fanned those 17 batters in like 6 innings, we'd be doin' pretty good. Combine them with Santana and Radke and an occasionally good Silva, our rotation will be strong. Our bullpen will be strong...with the exception of Lohse, but maybe switching Lohse to the bullpen will help his confidence and take some pressure off of him?

This might actually work if you think about it...*nods*

Dear Chris,

Could you please direct some of that energy into getting Koskie to hit the ball as well?

Thanks in advance,

bubblemint

Now that Koskie has broken up the no-hitter and put the score at 4-1, I take it that Chris was already on the assignment.

I was, but the baseball gods work in mysterious ways. They listen and let Corey hit one out, but then they make all our other bats fall silent in payment. They grant one wish, and spit on your others. Kind of rude, if you ask me. *sigh*