And Rick Anderson didn't have to fall to a flaming/watery grave after talking with Lohse!

Which Pompeii do you mean? The 1984 mini-series, the 1975 movie, the 1935 movie, or the 1897(!) silent film?

6...what a great number!

It saddens me to know that I'll be a mere mile or so from the dome tomorrow at 12, with nothing much to do, yet I won't be able to attend the game ;_;

I think I'm going to call Kyle Lohse "Train Wreck" because you watch half out of a morbid fascination to see if he royally screws up.

And nice "South Park" reference.

the royals have been doing a nice job of helping the twins lately by going 3-1 against the twins' closest competition in the division. thanks royals.

although they didn't exactly help the twins when they went 3-1 vs minnesota right out of the break...

Thanks for the write up as always. I will admit that I giggled when I saw that KC-ChiSox score. Didn't I hear that despite being swept by the Twins, someone was feeling confident going into the "soft" part of their schedule? Ok, this is baseball and funny things are the norm in this sport, but things aren't looking good for those Disco Lovers.

I need a little help from the bat-community. I will be sitting in the front row out in right field on Friday, Aug. 27th when the Twins open a three game series in Anaheim. What are some things I should yell to either right fielder? Just clean, good natured stuff as this will be my first trip to California and I don't want to have to go back for a court date. In college, some people would have extensive heckling scouting reports on the opposition, but I don't think that is normal in the majors. Any advice would help.

hey farmer,

you just might have some company in the right field seats... i usually make a couple of the games when the twins come out here to socal and those right field seats are good (and cheap)...

as far as what to be yelling in RF... well, you'll likely be yelling at vlad so you might wanna brush up on your espanol... ;-)

Just for clarification sake, can someone tell me many games up on the Bitch Sox we are? I am a bit unclear. :)

I started visiting this site cuz Batgirl makes it so much fun. Now, I find I’m becoming a Twins fans too (my beloved Jays are toast this year, alas). One thing I was wondering is if there are any nicknames for the team – affectionate ones, of course. Or are they always the Twins?

Brande - The most common nickname for the Twins, used by fans and detractors alike, is Twinkees. I don't know if this culinary marvel has made it's way into the untamed countryside of Canada, but a Twinkee is basically a chemical-laden spongecake with a cream-like filling. They had a mascot named "Twinkee the Kid" which was basically a Twinkee wearing a cowboy hat, bandanna, and carried a rope. I have no doubt in my mind Twinkee the Kid would win in a best of 3 falls iron-man deathmatch against TC the Bear.

did anyone else notice Klye talking into his glove (4th inning, bases loaded, one out)? I know he revisited his chat with Batgirl and I believe he was hearing

BG: Okay, Kyle. Get it together.

Then he struck out Chone Figgins and then got number 3 hitter Garret Anderson to fly out.

Maybe little Kyle has figured it out,
quote PPress this morning
"It could have got real ugly" Lohse said

If by SOME people, you mean me, then I stand corrected. I thought they were going to have a hell of year.

Hey Farmer, "fundamentals!!!" is always a good thing to yell at opposing players. Even if they're not doing anything wrong.

I appreciate Batgirl's game-time Batalert. I can never remember when those darned afternoon games happen. Now I can look out my office window at the Dome and pretend to see a Morneau homerball ripping through the roof.

One of my favorites is to yell "Hey *player name here*" before everything you say. Just say anything (clean) that comes to mind. Throw in some compliments. Then, in the sixth or seventh inning or so, say "Hey *player name*! *pause* I ran out of things to say!" Follow woth silence, and next inning announce you've come up with more.

I have gotten multiple reactions from this, almost all of them laughter.

In other news: I can see the dome if I turn around...and I'm powerless to go to the game ;_;

Roscoe - I'll have to remember "fundamentals!". Along those same lines, hollering bad coaching advice may be useful as well.

Bat-girl, did you just successfully marry an Escape Club riff with a Poseiden Adventure reference? How deft.

Thanks Skorch. I don’t recall seeing Twinkees at the trading post but I do know that Homer likes them. :)

Brande,

Assuming you're in Toronto...can you tell me whatever happened to Lorraine Segato of the band "Parachute Club?"

Also, do they still sing "OK, Blue Jays" during the 7th inning stretch?

Glad you're on board with us. If you dig back far enough in the BatArchives, you'll find the Batgirl Band's version of "Proud to be a Canadian."

I hate to doublepost, but someone in the Lew v. Dougie thread suggested I could share some of the posthumous Nomah bashing going on in Boston. So here's that post.

Spending another day at the lake and checking the laptop now and again for daygame updates.

Best, RD

RD has read so many Nomah-As-Pariah stories that he's become immune to them. The latest is a dispute about how he got hurt, the mystery foul ball that could actually have been an off-season injury during his intensive workouts. It's pretty wild. A Boston edition of Batgirl would definitely include the soap: As the Trade Turns.

Two other notes of humor:

1. The Red Sox radio pregame features a montage of play by plays from throughout the years, similar to the Twins' FSN intro. One of them includes a home run that Nomah hit after returning from an injury. Joe C. bellows: "WELCOME BACK, NOMAR GARCIAPARRA." I heard that Monday night while driving to a concert and wondered what the hell had happened.

2: A headline in today's Boston Globe: JUGGLING MAY BE HARD TO MASTER. It's about the struggle that manager Terry Francona expects in finding enough playing time for all of his boys. Some quotes...

"There may be days when they're going to be a little aggravated, but it's important that we all understanbd what our goal is. I'm confident our guys will do that."

"As much as I care about these players, I would never apologize for putting what I think is the right people out there. If you ruffle a feather or two along the way, that's part of it."

"We're in a dogfight to make the playoffs. We're not in a mode to get everyubody at-bats and be friends with everybody."

Batgirl, can you provide us with a tape of the conversation when Terry Francona calls our Gardy for advice? All the more interesting if he calls when Dark Star is hanging out in the manager's office.

Dearest Batgirl -

It was with great relief that I read your opening paragraph of this post. I needed to know that deep within Batgirl, there is indeed a reservoir of compassion and empathy for others that can be tapped. Lord knows that parched and suffering Kansas City Royals fans crave any such succor as may be offered.

So it is my hope that, as the Minnesota Twins (my #2 team) visit the beloved Seattle Mariners next week, there may be some Batgirl empathy available for tormented Mariners fans as well. (After all, our 2-4 record this year against the Bitch Sox is better than the Royals 2-5 mark.)

We don't ask much; nothing more perhaps than for Batgirl, Lazarus-like, to stretch her hand into the hellhole that is Safeco Field 2004, and thence to place a drop of Batgirl empathy on our scorched and blistered tongues.

Is that too much to ask of a Batgirl?

Faithfully (and beseechingly) yours,

Steve

Farmer,

Since I majored in heckling, I can help you. I have reviewed all of the suggestions above and they are all good. Particularly, yelling incessant coaching advice would work well. When Lew comes to the plate - yell at him that he should guard the line more. Something like:

"Hey Vlad! You should guard that line!"
"Vlaaad, I'd guard the line more if I were you..."
etc.

Every once in a while, you get a double down the line -- that's usually good for 2 more innings of heckling.

When the good Doctor comes up, no matter where he is standing, tell him to take a few steps back. (he will likely be backing up a bit anyway with Doc's power and you can tell him to keep going).

In a pinch, keep track of how he is doing at the plate. With any luck, Santana will be pitching the game and Vlad will "Sit down" as the third out in the top of the first (love heckling the #3 hitter). First time out in the field, you can yell things like:

"Hey, nice swing Vlad, you gonna K again?"
"Hey Vlad! Golden Sombrero today?"
"Vlad, you don't wanna K again, do you?"
"Hey Vlad? How many Ks are there in "Guerrero"?"

Of course, every one of the above suggestions can be translated for additional effect:

"Vlad, cuantos "Ks" tienes en su nombre?"
"Vlad, necessitas guardar la linea!"
etc.

Of course, the best is to get little kids around you involved. I must confess, the best example involves the Twins:

We have season tickets at Yankee Stadium in left field, 2nd row (where A-Rod's walkoff last night landed) -- well within earshot of the left fielders. (Of course, this forced me to spend mucho dolares on a Chuck Knoblauch jersey....another story we can share another time :) So I'm yelling things to newly called up Jacque Jones (hadn't hear of him yet at the time) like "You're three swings away from Rochester!" after he went 0-2 with 2Ks in his first at bat. So of course, we get the kids involved, and they end up yelling "Hey! Jacque-Strap Jones!!!" to the hysterical laughter of everyone, including Jacque. (Wonder if he remembers that).

One cautionary disclaimer:
I go to pretty much every Yankee-Red Sox game at the Stadium and have never heckled Manny Ramirez. You don't heckle Manny. I have had Gerald Williams and Mark (can't remember the last bane from the Royals - quinn maybe?) hit retaliatory homers specifically motivated by my heckling. My thoughts? You don't heckle a perrenial triple-crown threat. In any language.

Good luck, keep it clean, and if you don't lose most of your voice by the 7th inning stretch, well you're not trying hard enough.

YankeeFan

Uh oh,

Looks like the Bitch Sox are getting Roberto Alomar again...does that worry anyone?

Thought not.

YankeeFan

Dearest Mr. Fan,

Truly, Bat-girl.com has reached a higher plane since you came to join us. While I have certain feelings toward your chosen team that are best left unexpressed at this point, I, too, know several Yankee Fans that are marvelous people and while I must root for the Sox of Boston, I hold them all in my heart.

Sincerely,
Batgirl

Dearest Mr Steve,

Indeed, the Mariners are one of Batgirl's favorite teams and she hates to see what has happened to them. While her unending compassion does, in fact end during a Twins/Mariners series, she will root for the Mariners to vanquish all their other foes.

Get better soon, Eddie G.

Love,
Batgirl

Dear All,

Thanks for the tips. I have some experience in heckling as a group (my college was listed by SI as the most vocal fans, followed by LSU and Miss St.) but this will mark the first time I will be flying solo in a hostile park, yet close enough to be heard. I especially appreciate the Yankee tips. I took three years of spanish so I got that going for me, which is nice.

My personal favorite heckling memory is when a pitcher comes into the game and can't find the strike zone. After the first four balls, the crowd starts chanting "Ball Five" over and over. Of course the pitcher then starts to overpitch, which only makes things worse. I've gotten up to "Ball Thirteen" before. Good times.

BG referred to fans being so overwrought that they'd rip out their collective livers. A collective liver is a great idea -- it could porobably handle a lot more of that watery Dome beer than a single liver can. Might cut down on the lines at the troughs in the Dome's Spartan bathrooms, too.

Keep it up, BG.

While not the most creative of heckling, my favorite has normally been of the "Hey, , you suck!" variety.

My favorite heckling experience was sitting in the left field seats during the 2002 playoffs and David Justice was playing. An equally non-creative young man behind me was letting Justice know nearly constantly how much he sucked, until Justice was replaced by another player defensively. At that time, the young man changed his heckling call to, "Hey, , When you get back to the dugout, will you please tell Justice he sucks?" Hearty laughter all around.

Ron, the last of I know of Lorraine Segato goes back a few years. She produced and directed a documentary, “Queen Street West - The Rebel Zone”, on the history and artists of the Toronto district. I think the CD is still available. About the same time, the brother of a friend played in a band at an event where Parachute Club also performed (a version of them anyway).
I’m embarrassed to admit I don’t know if “OK, Blue Jays” is being performed this year. SkyDome is several hours away. I hope it is!

I can understand how Batgirl feels about the Royals. I felt this way last year about the Tigers. My heart ached each time I saw poor Alan Trammel's grimacing face on the television.

If you must heckle an Angels player, be a big spender and buy the E-ticket to sit within earshot of Erstad.

How can anyone say anything bad about Vlad? He likes a daily dose of PlayStation, he loves his mama, and he lives to rake the yard with any balls the pitcher may dare to throw within his reach. He's the picture of 'joie de vivre,' man. If that don't do it for you, I don't want you sitting next to me at the ballpark.

The only critical thing I could even think up about him is that he runs like he's ready to check into the same veteran's home where Koskie's got a reservation next winter. But I don't think I'd have the heart to yell that at him. If I'm in RF, I'm rooting to see him go 4-for-4 with a couple doubles raked off his shoetops, and a 7-6 Twins win in the end. Now that's a good time!