Twins at Detroit. Twins 3, Tigers 1.
In honor of tonight's Hi-Def Twins broadcast, Batgirl will also be blogging in high-definition. That's right, using Team Batgirl's exclusive technology, in today's post Batgirl will be clearer than ever before. No more rambling sentences, no more digressions, no more 19th-century novel references, no more feeding Nick Punto to the opponents, no more making fun of the players' physical deformities or extreme youth/elderliness—just pure unadulterated Twins coverage. Less sass, sharper image—now with digital sound! (If you listen carefully, you can even hear Batgirl mutter to herself as she types.)
Like the Twins game tonight. I mean, we knew Justin Morneau's hair was curly, but who knew it was that curly? Didn't you want to just get close to him and yank on one of those babies just to see it go BOING?
Or Terry Mulholland, who knew he had such a nice straight gleaming part? And have Torii Hunter's big chocolate eyes ever looked so big and chocolatey? And when Matt LeCroy strikes out, as he did three times tonight, did you know you could actually see the whiff lines form in the air?
Oh, I guess that was a little sassy. Which was totally uncalled for—I mean the Twins actually managed to outscore their opponents tonight, which, gentle reader, is really an important part of winning baseball games. See, when the opposing team has the bases loaded with nobody out, as the Tigers had in the fifth, you're supposed to escape the situation with as few runs as possible. And when you have the bases loaded with two outs, as the Twins did in the seventh, you're supposed to score.
These are the sort of key elements to a winning club that the Twins have forgotten in the last few, um, weeks. But that was before—the old Twins, in standard definition. Now, in Hi-Def, the Twins are a winning machine.
Because, while Batgirl might not look any different in Hi Def, the Twins sure did. Just look at Terry Mulholland. In his last start against the Tigers—well, okay, he was pretty good. But he didn't win. Tonight he looked like a man half his incredibly advanced age—pitching a four-hit game against the best offensive team in baseball.
Mulholland: pitching in standard.... and then high definition
Not to mention the prowess of curly-haired Justin Guarini Morneau. Suddenly, he's the Hi-Def clean-up hitter we've been hearing about for years; he and Lew Ford are the most adorably productive 3 and 4 hitters in baseball since, well, probably since the Rochester season opener.
Yes, the heroes of today's game were two guys who started the season in Triple AAA and two guys about ready for the AARP—but that's just the sort of thing you can expect when a team uses performance-enhancing broadcast technologies. And if we all close our eyes and wish real hard, maybe it will start helping the rest of our line-up, too—the ones making all the G's.
Anyway, all sass aside, Mr. Mulholland has now won against every team in baseball, and, well, that's just cool. Batgirl's glad the guys came through for him tonight.
Posted by Batgirl at July 19, 2004 10:04 PMBatgirl,
I for one am thankful that Lil Nicky Punto was not, in fact, fed to the opposition. However I must admit that the darker part of my brain could not help but wonder how fast the "Got Nick?" campaign would have started up if he had.
Sincerely,
MK
Too bad the Twins look to be keeping Justin in the bigs now. I was kinda hoping since they left him in AAA so long, they were gonna let him play for Team Canada for the Olympics.
Sigh
But having said that - this Morneau kid should have been playing 3 months ago!
Posted by: Jason at July 19, 2004 10:24 PMOk, I'll say it: Play Morneau and make Dougie Defense his late-inning gove caddy.
And this: Get another starting pitcher and exile Lohse to Whereversville.
And as the Isleys would sing it: "Time is truly wastin'. There's no guarantee..."
That's "GLOVE caddy" and not "LOVE caddy."
Posted by: RonDavis at July 19, 2004 11:40 PM"And when you have the bases loaded with two outs, as the Twins did in the seventh, you're supposed to score."
And who got the RBIs but JOSE OFFERMAN?! AARRRGH how does the man do it?!
Who was the second AARP guy by the way?
Posted by: Mimiru at July 20, 2004 12:21 AMPersonally, I think the sass is coming in clearer at bat-girl.com what with it too in hi-def and all. Great post! :)
Posted by: Old Town at July 20, 2004 01:28 AMHats off to the Q-tips on a thrilling night for each. Now, if we can only get Country off standard and onto high def, hmmm.......maybe Lew can help.
Posted by: insider at July 20, 2004 08:48 AMDear Jose,
I take everything back. You are truly worthy of your position in the Bigs. While I'm still not convinced you have the talent, you have again come through in the clutch. Yes, I agree that you may, in fact, have some talent, I am more inclined to believe your recent success can be attributed to blind luck and/or a very deep roster of operatives (in this case Carlos Guillen who made his attempt at least somewhat believable).
No matter what the explanation, I have decided that you are, in fact, the man. So I apologize to you, to your wife, your kids (Jose and HoseB), rest of your family and to your fans and supporters (MLB players and others). I will never doubt you again.
I would also like to publicly call off my challenge. I no longer feel the need to try to show you up in a batting competition so you can relax. However, I would like to challenge Matt “Fozzy Bear” LeCroy to a bunt and run contest. I do still think that is a contest I could win!
Get well soon Chairman…we hope you’re road to recover is a smooth one. Take it slow and do it right this time and remember “the longest journey begins with one step”.
SDave
Twins Geek made reference to "Chairman Mauer" in his posting today. Next stop, Jim Souhan.
Posted by: Skorch at July 20, 2004 09:18 AMDear Batgirl,
Last time Mulholland pitched really well, Koskie got boyfriend of the day. Yesterday he pitched even better. How does boyfriend of the day work? Will there be an award for yesterday's game? If so, Mulholland should get it. He got your team and at the same time managed to complete the job of beating all 30 teams. That deserves an award.
On a related note concerning "seasoned" athletes, could Gail Devers be any more impressive? She's 37 and is going to the Olympics at least in the 100 meter hurdles, and possibly also in the 4X100 relay.
As a final note on the boyfriend of the day, if there are concerns that Mulholland is too old for the award, maybe you should consider giving it to another player who put in a strong performance yesterday helping his team get a win. He's a team player who makes everyone like baseball more. The one and only: The lovable Carl Everett.
Posted by: Sox Fan at July 20, 2004 09:30 AM
Hey Sox Fan, I declare
ULTIMATE SUMO CHALLENGE!
Twins' Sumo-Sammy [Matthew LeCroy], featuring special move: Crawdad Crunch! [http://www.bat-girl.com/archives/000309.html]
VS.
White Sox' Crusher Carl [Carl Everett], featuring special move: cranium-crusher headbutt! [http://thediamondangle.com/adam/carl.html]
"Sumo-Sammy, use Crawdad Crunch power, NOW!"
Posted by: Jeb at July 20, 2004 09:52 AMHey Sox Fan, I've been meaning to ask you... what do you think of the Pepsi commercial where the two guys give Sammy Sosa a chili-dog or something, and purposely make it too hot, then reveal themselvs as White Sox fans?
Personally I would have nejoyed it more if they forced Sammy to pay like 50 bucks for that Pepsi.
Posted by: Mimiru at July 20, 2004 10:39 AMTerry Mulholland--more than just a pretty face, a battered suitcase, and a Hall of Fame-caliber pickoff move. Congrats, Mighty Mo... any interest in a third stop with the Fightin' Phils?
Also, I note with pleasure that Terry Ryan has finally taken that trip to The Island of Justin Morneau that he'd been putting off for so long. Well done, TR.
Posted by: jeffstoned at July 20, 2004 02:22 PMDear Mimiru,
I believe the second AARP guy was Jose O.
Donnalove
Posted by: Donnalove at July 20, 2004 04:13 PMMimiru,
I'm afraid I haven't seen the ad, so I can't really comment.
I wanted to bring something to everyone's attention, namely that at the moment the American and National League Eastern Division Leaders are the Yankees and Braves. I figure the White Sox can handle either of those teams, but if something went horribly wrong and we ended up with another Yankees-Braves World Series, that would be pretty terrible. Even though Bobby Cox and Atlanta's great G.M. deserve credit for re-making the team, Atlanta's been in the playoffs enough for the next 20 years.
I was expecting the Phillies to run away with that division, but it isn't happening. Maybe they were too busy complaining about how Milton should have been sent to the All Star Game, since even though he has a 4.62 ERA, currently 37th in the National League, his 11 wins show he's a real winner. That complaint, of course, came from Larry Bowa, the manager who couldn't get along with Scott Rolen.
And as to complaining, I've gotta go with Shoeless Joe in that debate yesterday. It wasn't very persuasive to hear a bunch of people say that the Twins' bitching about the Sox was better than the Sox' bitching about the Twins. But I guess that's all the Twins can really say about the Sox this year, given how the teams have done when playing one another.
Finally, congratulations to Joe Nathan on being Bullpen idol. He's really been the cinderella story this year.
Go Sox!
Posted by: Sox Fan at July 20, 2004 05:04 PMAah, that's too bad maybe I can find a link. Anyhow, it looks like the Cardinals are the Real Deal this year. They have more wins than the Yankees. But in the interests of a rematch of 1987, that means the Twins have to reach the World Series too.
Posted by: Mimiru at July 20, 2004 09:36 PMWhich Twin was 'bitching' about the Bitch Sox? None that I see.
Expressions of confidence in yourself are not the same as whining about how ya got done wrong--even CHEATED!--after the fact that you've been beaten.
Posted by: frightwig at July 20, 2004 10:18 PM