At least the Whine Sox lost today... against Oakland. A much better team than KC.

I thought up another reason why fans don't get excited about the Twins and are fairweather! Beause everytime they do something to build a little momentum and get the fans hopping they go and lose several games in a row so any momentum is killed right dead. So this year, they're never good long enough to get the fans really into it.

Dear Batgirl,

I noticed that you did not have a letter for Mr. Gardenhire. Is that because this is a family site?

Fondly,
Jeremy

Jeremy, LOL!

You know who you are (I hope), do cheer up. Please.

BatGirl, as always, delightful, simply delightful!

Dear Bitch Sox,
Thank you for acquiring Carl Everett. What with having actual baseball players like Juan Uribe on your team instead of a collection of DHs like Carlos Lee and trading for Freddie Garcia , I was a little worried that you might not collapse this year. Now that you have added the timebomb that is Carl Everett to your roster, I can go back to being confident in your imminent demise.
Thanks,
TBird41

Dear BatGirl:

Hey. How, confronted with such a painful reality as the Twins latest tease, can BatGirl maintain that sense of humor? Here we go again -- decent starting pitching and a lucky comeback to tie the game, only to blow it with a lack of timely hitting and some questionable defense. When I'm ready to loose a torrent of invective, BatGirl calms with her satire.

It is good, and I don't know how you do it.

Admiringly,

Jim H.

Dear Batgirl; Is there anything you can do for our bats? The old guy is pitching tonight and has never beaten them there tigers. It would be fitting for him to get a win against them, so how about a little bat magic for our boys. Rah, rah! Go team!

Dear batgirl,
I have found an online polling company that I was unable to hack the same way as the previous polls: Pollhost.com

Sincerely,
amr

Dear Mr. mr,

thank you so much. Batgirl is forever indebted.

Sincerely,
Batgirl

Dear Jose Offerman,

Kudos on your ability to once again fool people into thinking you are a major league baseball player. Getting Anthony Michael Hall to grow a cheesy beard and mustache, pose as a baseball player named Matt Stairs and then make a less than convincing attempt to catch your lazy fly ball was absolutely brilliant. I was initially surprised that you would actually take that kind of initiative but then I realized it is the only way that someone with your talent could survive in the majors.

I have always secretly admired people who can get through life using smoke and mirrors to hide their lack of talent or commitment. Because of that, I have kept quiet despite that fact that your caper is affecting my beloved ball club. But now that you have duped Batgirl and I can be silent no more! You have gone too far.

Jose, I throw down the gauntlet. You and me. HHH Metrodome. Wednesday at 2:00 pm. Bring a pitcher, anybody but Grant BallFour (we need some pitches IN the strike zone). I will prove once and for all that EVEN I can hit better than you. Then I’m gonna give you to the count of ten to get your ugly, lyin, no good, four-flushing yellow keister off my team before I pump your guts full of lead. Well, OK, no lead pumping, but I will give you a swift kick in the ass.

SDave

If I'm not mistaken, them thar are fightin' words.

Dear Mr. Dave,

Brilliant! I will send my staff to cover the event!

Excitedly,
Batgirl

To tell you the truth, I've always thought we should have Jose Offerman DHing instead of Matthew LeCroy or some other dude. Yeah, Jose might not have the most power or the best average, but if you look at when he has gotten hits, you'll notice they have come when we need them. They are mostly clutch hits and/or game winning hits. These type of hits could be really helpful right now. No more Mauer pinch hitting until he gets more experience. Jose has been around the leagues for a while now. He's like a Shannon Stewart. He knows how things work. I have to tip my hat to him for last night. He couldn't have done his job any better. Same with Shannon, it's SO great having him back. We missed him.

As for Carlos, I think he pitched very well. Compared to some previous starts, I'd say he is getting back to his old self. In the paper it did say he missed a pichout when the guy was stealing second. Instead, he threw it over the middle of the plate and the guy hit it to move the runners to second and third. Not the smartest thing to do, but we got to move on. Not quite sure LeCroy could have thrown the guy out or anything, but it could have changed the outcome.

Dear Batgirl -
I think you need to send our lovable Matthew a letter - unless this helps with scoring more runs this can't be good for ya - can't it??
From the Strib today:

Beetle brunch

An unsuspecting beetle was making its way across the visitors' clubhouse before Sunday's game when it became a notation in the story of the 2004 Twins.

LeCroy spotted the insect and began taking bids on how much teammates would pay to see him eat it.

Donations began to trickle in, finally reaching $550 as LeCroy began to bounce up and down to get motivated. Soon, most Twins players were in the room, egging him on. Joe Roa couldn't stand to watch and hung out in the trainer's room.

"You want to make sure it's alive," team trainer Jim Kahmann said. "If it's dead, you won't know what killed it."

It was alive all right, and LeCroy devoured it as teammates cheered.

How did it taste?

"Salty," LeCroy said.

Wonder Woman ;-) I'm with Joe - I don't think I could have watched either.

They're wasting time on beetles when they suck like all get-out? Lovely.

Just last night I made the discovery that the psychic, slightly hunky, and nearly buff Dead Zone dude is, indeed, Anthony Michael Hall.

Mimiru:

Had Matt had a stellar performance that day, do you think the rest of the guys would secretly be hunting around for little buggy appetizers?

Dear Chairman Mauer,
Please get better !!
Lovingly,
Liz

Dear She-Ra - P.O.P -

If indeed Matthew had a stellar performance, my guess is the boys would have rounded up some BBQ sauce - marinated the miracle beetles and along with a nice little salad on the side would have had a crunchy pregame meal the following day!

Dear Bat-girl,

By claiming that the Twinkiedoodles are the better team than the Tigers, aren't you doing the same as what you complain about the White Sox doing? Maybe you forget, but the Twinkiedoodles had the Tigers for 10 games already in the CheatDome and could manage but 5 victories, despite the air conditioning. How do you think the Doodles will fare in Comerica National Park?

-SJ

"CheatDome," that's priceless, Shoeless Joe.

Dear Matthew Lecroy,

Sunday afternoon, there was a beetle who made himself at home in one of our light fixtures. Mrs. Davis asked me to get rid of it. I wrapped it in a paper towel and aided it into the beetle hereafter. A couple of hours later, I began to feel really queasy.

Something weird is going on here.

Best, RD

p.s. Take some better at-bats, dammit!

Twinkiedoodles?? Are they a cousin to the Snickerdoodle??

Dear Mr. Joe,

When the Bitch Sox keep insisting that they're a better team than the Twins, it's this angry, "We almost beat them, and we really did, except for all the cheating they did." It is that they do not take responsibility for their losses, or give the Twins any credit for playing well. I give the Tigers all the credit in the world for playing well, and believe the Twins should take responsilbity for their losses. That is the difference.

Helpfully,
Batgirl

Shoeless Joe,

Finally! Someone else who refers to the Tigers' current ballpark as Comerica National!

MK

Dear Batgirl,

Are there concerns that beetles fit under any of MLB's banned substances? With the Olympics right around the corner, the subject's been in the news quite a bit and LeCroy might want to be more careful.

Dear Bat-girl,

I do hope you see the folly of your own statement. It's angry because the Sox say it, but not when the Twins do? In addition, please see Mr. Rogers' article at http://chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/whitesox/cs-0407180300jul18,1,6891654.column?coll=cs-whitesox-utility

A certain Mr. Jones is quoted as saying:

"If we play well, it's not going to be nice [for the Sox]. I'm not taking anything away from that team over there, Chicago, but it's not going to be nice for them if we play well for an extended period of time."

Dear Mr. Joe,

I am afraid you are not understanding what I am saying. Such is life.

Sincerely,
Batgirl

Jacque Jones also said something like, 'The way we've been playing, we deserve to be 10 games back....' Which is taking responsibility for the team's poor play and acknowledging that the Twins are fortunate still to be hanging around the top of the division.

Making a vow that Chicago will regret letting the Twins hang around, once the Twins get their act together, is not whining and making excuses, as is the Bitch Sox wont. He's just saying: 'Look out. You have yet to see us at our best.'

Much different from: 'We are the best team, and we were sooo ready to make a STATEMENT this weekend. But those Twins are so LUCKY. They never even hit the ball HARD! Just a bunch of choppers off the turf, squibs over the infield. Plus our outfield can't see the ball against that roof, and Frank just hates that so-called hitting background. I mean, it's folded-up SEATS! How's Frank supposed to deal with that? Not to mention the baggy in RF. How's that FAIR? And don't think we're not watching how that POW/MIA flag is moving around in the late innings. Shall we go on? We don't care what the scoreboard or the standings say, the White Sox are better... it's just that the Twins CHEAT!"

See the difference, Sox fans?

Dear Friends 'Wig and Bat,

Logic has no place in the mind of Sox fans owing to all the time they spend listening to the rants and rationalizing of TV bubba Hawk Harrelson. Hawk makes Gordo sound like Vin Scully and Jon Miller rolled into one. To expect understanding in those circumstances is like expecting the Taliban to hold a fundraaiser for Hilary Clinton. Ain't happenin'.

Best, RD

Dear Mr. Frightwig,

You forgot to mention the everlasting Bitch Sox whine: "But, but, but...the Twins have such an easy schedule. We always have to play the hard teams, and they get to beat up on all of the cruddy teams all the time. No fair!!!"

Dear Mr. Shoeless,

Selective quote posting? Another tool in the well equipped Bitch Sox fan's arsenal o' whines and complaints?

Here's the full quote, straight from Mr. Rogers column.

"If you want me to be honest, I have to say that the way we've played, we deserve to be 10 games behind the White Sox," right fielder Jacque Jones said. "But as bad as we've played, we're still hanging around.

"If we play well, it's not going to be nice [for the Sox]. I'm not taking anything away from that team over there, Chicago, but it's not going to be nice for them if we play well for an extended period of time."

Dear Messers Mint, Davis, et al.

The Twinkiedoodles have been tempting the Baseball Gods for some time - and those thrown back home runs aren't going to help.

I quothe Senior Santana in the Star Tribune (http://www.startribune.com/stories/509/4851635.html)

"They [the White Sox] have been playing pretty good. They have good baseball players. I just think we play better than them."

Quothe the first baseman who can't hit (http://www.dailysouthtown.com/southtown/dssports/pro/291sd1.htm):

Twins first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz was quoted in the offseason as saying, "You never hear the words 'together' and 'White Sox' in the same sentence, and that's why we beat them."

This dates back to last season, when Hunter scoffed at the Royals(http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/baseball/mlb/recaps/2003/05/12/4307_recap.html):

"Eventually, we're going to win," Twins center fielder Torii Hunter said. "We're going to win, trust me. They have to keep this up until July before I believe it."

The Twinkies aren't the humble Midwestern farmboys you think. They have shown an ability to have trash flow from their open mouths.

The Twinkiecakes are trying the Baseball Gods, and the wrath of the Baseball Gods may yet be wrought upon them. (I say smite them, o great and mighty Beizbol).

-SJ

bubblemint,

Thank you. I forgot about the "Easy Schedule" whine.

This year, it is the Twins who have the apparently harder schedule in the final two months.

Twins fans seem to be reacting to this in two ways:

1) denying that it is so. (The Twins Geek take.)

2) accepting it as a matter of fact, and just hoping that the Twins can build up a lead in the coming weeks and then T.C.B. in our final 9 games with Chicago.

I've yet to see/hear a Twins fan or player bitch about the upcoming schedule disparity, though we heard plenty of it from the Windy City last season.

Shoeless,

Doug and Johan were just expressing the confidence that comes from owning a rival in the last three seasons. (Doug also said in that 6/29/04 Strib article: "I didn't think their pitching staff was in trouble, but you add Freddy in there and it is a different ballgame. We are going to have our work cut out for us. I remember last year when they got Robbie and Carl. We were like, 'They've added two great offensive players to already a great offense.' We had our work cut out for us then." So it's not like he's cocky to the point of hubris. He's giving the White Sox some credit.)

As for Torii's comments about the Royals last year, come on! Outside of Kansas City, who really thought in May of last year that the Royals were for real? Produce a quote from a White Sox player that acknowledged the Royals as the team to beat in the Spring of 2003 and I'll concede a point to you.

Yo Shoeless,

As Dick Cheney would say, "If you back it up, it ain't boasting."

Show me the hardware.

Dear Mr. Davis,

I'm sorry, the hardware seems to be located in South Florida at this time. Please let me know when it returns to Mr. Pohlad's grip.

Dear Mr. Wig,

"Doug and Johan were just expressing the confidence that comes from owning a rival in the last three seasons."

I say, keep tempting the Baseball Gods. We did it but once in an unfortunate incident in 1919 and have had a rough go of it since. (In addition, the Sox/Twins series last year was 10/9 Twins - hardly an ownership. The Sox's real downfall was their woeful 11-8 showing against Detroit. The Twins went 15-4 against the same).

Regards,

SJ

Shoeless,

I can walk into the offices at the Metrodome and see World Series trophies from 1987 and '91.

I can see quite clearly the AL Central titles of '02 and '03.

Not a bad haul in this day and age, unless you're the Yankees, and certainly a better one than your Southsiders. I'll take it over the reacquisition of Carl Everett any day.

Your buddy, RD

Shoeless,

From 2001-03, the Twins had a 35-22 record against the White Sox, and won the last 5 contests of last season when the money was all on the line.

On the morning of 9/10/03, after the Sox had won the first two games of the series in Chicago, your team led by 2 games and looked poised to polish the division crown. Then Santana beat Garland (4-1), Radke followed with another gem to beat Loaiza (5-2), and the Twins swept the ChiSox out of our building the next week (5-2, 4-2, 5-3) to take the lead in the division by 3.5 games. That, my friend, is how the Twins won the division. Head to head, when it mattered most, the Twins showed who had the better team.

Oh, and I can't believe you just compared the 1919 Black Sox scandal to a comment like, "They [the White Sox] have been playing pretty good. They have good baseball players. I just think we play better than them."

Is it just me or is Grant Balfour the worst name ever for a pitcher?

Jose Offerman isn't a hitter, though he gets paid to be one on TV.

When I was a wee lad, or really a teenage hooligan, there was a pitcher named Bob Walk. And in 1988, he even made the All-Star team (as he was 12-10 with a 2.71 ERA in 212.2 IP for the Pirates). In his whole career, he posted a 105-81 record & 4.03 ERA; and from '84-88, he was even better than that. If Grant Balfour is merely the next Bob Walk, I think we can use that sort of help.