Detroit at Twins. Tigers 5, Twins 3.

Yesterday, as regular readers know, things got a little crazy with the Give Joe Mauer a Nickname Contest. Details are not important. What is important is that there were shenanigans.

No matter. Batgirl was on the case. Restart the poll—no wait, rewrite it, no wait… It took some time, votes were lost, but other than that, all was well in the world.

Except, of course, for her day job which, in truth, has been suffering. And no one, outside of a select few, in Batgirl's real life knows a thing about her secret identity. They think she's just slipping. Unfocused. Lazy.

No doubt, the tension's been getting to her. The double life. The long nights. Even some of her BatPowers aren’t working as well as they used to; that sass just isn't coming out right. It could be dangerous.

Could Batgirl need a break? Batgirl's long-suffering husband certainly thought so. "I care about the Twins, too," he says. "But my first concern, Batgirl, is you." So today, after getting some "real" work done, she and Jeb headed to a late afternoon matinee of Spiderman 2.

A movie! Batgirl doesn't get to see many movies, except sometimes on getaway days. And Tobey Maguire is just so adorable. She and Jeb held hands, it was like a date, a real date, just like normal couples have, couples without secret BatLives. But afterwards, oh! the game had already started, Batgirl had to hurry to the BatQuarters and man her computer—but Jeb turned to her and whispered, "Do you want to go out to dinner?"

Dinner? Dinner? No, we can't! Batgirl has duties! Blogging duties. The game has already started and—

What's that? It's 4-0 Tigers? Carlos, what have you done? Batgirl gives and gives and this is how you repay her?

Well, fine! I take off my fuzzy slippers! I throw off my bats! I am going to go out to dinner with my gorgeous and sexy husband. The Twins can do it without me from now on. I am Batgirl no more!

Batgirl and Jeb sat down for dinner, like a normal couple. They talked of philosophy and physics, of poetry and psychology and pottery—and at first, Batgirl was happy, she felt free! Free! Ha! It's a game night, and I'm OUT TO DINNER! Look at me!

But the elation of BatLiberation only lasted for so long, and somewhere between the spring rolls and the Vietnamese basil curry, Batgirl began to twitch. Next to her, a man checked his cell phone, let out a high-pitched shriek, and stood up and yelled to the whole restaurant, "Jason Smith hit another homer!" Weeping and tearing at his clothing, the man ran out of the restaurant.

People began to scream, the screaming grew louder and louder, it was everywhere. Pad Thai flew threw the air. One woman stood up on top of her table, began pulling at her hair, and yelled, "SASS! I NEED SASS!" The chef came out into the middle of floor, poured hot sauce all over himself, and exploded into flame.

Jeb looked at Batgirl and Batgirl looked at Jeb—and Jeb, dear long-suffering Jeb, sighed, grabbed her hands, looked into her eyes, and said, "Do you want to go home and watch the game?"

Yes. Batgirl did.

So Batgirl and Jeb hopped into the BatBus and flew over to the BatQuarters as quick as we could. 5-2? That's nothing! Look how awesome J.C. Romero is, even if he doesn't have that muscle-butt anymore. And in the eighth, a lead-off hit from Corey! Then a double from Torii! See what happens when Batgirl has a little faith?

Oh, but then, Jacque Jones was called out on strikes and said some things to the home plate umpire that aren’t really appropriate for a family game. So God decided to punish the Twins for Jones's foul mouth and it was all over.

Could the Twins have tried a little harder tonight? Could Joe Mauer and Lew Ford have put a little more oompf under their long fly outs? Could Matt LeCroy have stopped trying to get infield singles? Could Jacque Jones, for once in his life, have swung at a pitch?

I don't know. But one thing is true—Batgirl could have tried harder. How many people had to suffer because she was too selfish to watch the game? Sometimes we have to give up our dreams to fight for what's right. With great power comes great responsibility.

For I am Batgirl.

Posted by Batgirl at July 9, 2004 10:15 PM