Don't worry, ES&S voting machine company will NOT be used to count votes.

The true boyfriend of the assembled readership is, in fact, Batgirl (and her team of intrepid contributors).

Assuming however, that Batgirl wishes us to nominate actual players, I respectfully and humbly submit the following.

Because the massive and devoted readership will likely agree on nothing but their adoration for the tremendous cleverness of Batgirl (and the intrepidity of her team), I believe the official boyfriend of the Batgirl readership should be "the Field" (i.e. all non-named boyfriends).

To wit...

Selecting any starting pitcher would reduce the chances of BOD election by roughly 80%.

Similarly, any given relief pitcher or bench player would not perform regularly enough to warrant consideration (with perhaps the exception of the closer or setup relievers). Nonetheless, serendipity plays too high a role in these players' contributions, making boyfriend nomination imprudent.

This leaves regulars - many of the remaining of which (Hunter, Jones, Rivas, Guzman, Ford, LeCroy, etc.) have either been hurt or could be subject to trade, demotion, benching, etc. requiring Team Batgirl to arbitrate repeated appeals to allow substitute boyfriends on behalf of the readership. Furthermore, a potentially prominent boyfriend may be currently plying their trade in different laundry. Morneau, Resto, Crain and Durbin all have very serious boyfriend potential. To say nothing of the possible talent on other rosters that might be brought our way in trade. Witness Sooz' current boyfriend.

Furthermore, this would allow the massive and devoted readership to participate retroactively to the beginning of the season. Since our favorite team has exactly four more victories than there have been BOD elections, it puts the massive readership on the board, but not in a dominating position.

In order to moderate the inequity of the sheer number of possible boyfriends for the assembled readership, I propose that the BOD election continue to be administered in much the same fashion.

Namely, that the BODSHC evaluates each Twins win to see if any of the named boyfriends (those official boyfriends belonging to official Batgirl team members) has contributed enough to the game to warrant BOD election. If the BODSHC deems that none of the so-named boyfriends has contributed significantly enough, or that another player's contribution is so significant as to severly outweigh the contributions of a so-named boyfriend, then the BOD falls to "the Field" and thereby accrues to the readership's total. In this manner, official boyfriends of official Team Batgirl members will receive preferrential consideration (as it should be, since they created this to begin with) and the readership will receive the designation only when no appropriate boyfriend can be found among the officially designated.

Should any of the official Team Batgirl members be sufficiently fickle to switch their alliance mid-season, the jilted boyfriend returns to the field and any post-jilting BOD points for that player accrue to the readership.

I respectfully and humbly submit to the benevolent and judicious BODSHC for her ultimate decision.

Uh.. yeah.. what he said. Times two.

Dear Mr. That,

You pose an extremely persuasive argument, in language that makes Team Batgirl's (particularly Goobie's) heart sing. Batgirl, however, worries a bit. The BODSHC favors the boyfriends in the B.O.D. competition, leading up to the B.O.Y. This makes said competition differ from, say, Player of the Game, which is all very interesting, but does not have anything to do with boyfriends. In Wednesday's game, for instance, the BOD was Shannon Stewart at 3 for 4, but the Player of the Game was clearly Carlos Silva. So Batgirl worries her massive and fantastical readership, while intelligent and compassionate, might became angry at the BODSHC when she gives preference to Boyfriends. Because, really, much like Batgirl's youth, it is all about Boyfriends.

And while Batgirl herself would never be a B.O.D. she is flattered and humbled by your suggestion.

Thoughtfully,
Batgirl

Life is often confusing, but I'm confident of two things.

1.) There ain't no party like a Batgirl party, 'cause a Batgirl party don't stop.
2.) The audience of most baseball-themed blogs (including, mayhaps, Batgirl's) is heavily skewed 18-45, male, and American. This combination and the word "boyfriend" has been known to produce such negative effects as knee-jerk repulsion, disturbing sexual-identity confusion, and uttered phrases such as "what do you think this is, Europe or something?"

Therefore, I'd like to lift up the name of T.C. Bear in nomination as Official Boyfriend Of The Teeming Batgirl-Crazed Masses. He's male yet somehow non-threateningly gender-neutral, he's unBEARably heavy (as per his official bio), and his flag-waving skills can never be called into question. In fact, he's more versatile than a utility infielder - he does private parties, birthday parties, *and* corporate events!

Does T.C. get even 11.5% of the amount of love he needs/deserves? No! Is he just some ridiculous brown-colored ripoff of the Hamm's bear? No! Does he have just the cutest little nose ever? Yes! So please vote T.C., and vote often!

My boyfriend is Jacque Jones.

Whoa ... I feel faint. I'm having disturbing sexual-identity confusion.

Let's try that again.

My favorite player is Jacque Jones.

Ahhh ... I feel better now.

Sincerely,
A massive and devoted reader.

My 'boyfriend' was Eddie, and I guess I still can't quit him even though he's gone. He plays for my other favorite team, anyway. So I can sneak some dates with him on the sly. It can't ever be like the old days, though. The fans in Seattle don't even know what to do when they see him come on to the field. The stomping around the mound and throwing down the resin bag, the cup adjustment, the faces he makes when he sticks out his tongue... they think it's just a giggle. They don't get him like I do. It's all going to change him, I know.

I'm still working up to finding a new sweetie, but I don't want to commit to somebody when I'm still on the rebound, you know?

It could be Doug. He's been a great favorite the last few years. I love to watch Johan pitch. But I am casting a wandering eye towards Lew Ford (if only I could see him on TV more often).

Can I cast multiple votes, or must I pick only one?

Ahh, too true. My previous submission did not adequately account for the BOY award.

As ever, I submit to Batgirl's Solomon-ic wisdom and benevolent stewardship.

Please consider this a vote for Justin Morneau - he's powerful, Canadian, and young. He's a keeper.

Since he hasn't yet arrived at the dance, I'm forced to simply declare a "crush" on young Justin and await his arrival like a shy eighth grader at her first school dance. Besides, dreamy Joe M is already going steady.

I know that Batgirl has opted for "less stats, more sass," but I would humbly suggest an alt-motto:

FROM COOLIO TO CAMUS

To wit:

There ain't no party like a Batgirl party, 'cause a Batgirl party don't stop. -- Coolio (kinda), as told by KW to the masses.

At 30 a man should know himself like the palm of his hand, know the exact number of his defects and qualities, know how far he can go, foretell his failures - be what he is. And, above all, accept these things. -- Camus, as told by AJ Pierzynski to Agent Mulder.

Echoing my more intelligible compatriots, I’ll second the Justin Crush. I saw his homerun at Miller Park last year smash up the big screen from about 80 feet away, and even the Milwaukee guys wanted him to be THEIR boyfriend.

Still, though Sweet Lew brought me flowers, I must go with JJ until the youth find regular lineup spots. The trade has yet to materialize, and he's been as ready as anyone this year. He took the fielding switch and the trade talk with some aplomb, and he hits and fields and provides a bit of the drama requisite of a true boyfriend.

While I fit the aforementioned demographic, I happen not to have a problem with having boyfriends, many and open and ready to steal my fluttery heart.

I know nostalgia is not the order of the day here, but my nomination for BOT20C (Boyfriend of the 20th Century) is, and always will be, Dave Stevens.

I know, I know: Rod Carew, Kent Hrbek, Harmon Killebrew, Tony Oliva, Zoilo Versalles, Kirby Puckett, Chris Latham, Travis Miller -- they were ALL great players. But I'll never forget those edge-of-seat moments provided by Stevens. He spent more time in the kitchen than Julia Child.

I am proud to say I have a ticket stub from one of those rare Dave Stevens starts. I think it reads "Christians vs. Lions", or something like that.

I'll second a vote for T.C. Bear. Not only is he super cute, the guy underneath the suit is also a super guy (yes, it's the same guy every time).

The only problem is how to determine if he wins BOD. I think since T.C.'s enthusiasm and friendliness is always top notch no matter how the team is doing, I'd say he would automatically when BOD if the other four guys have lousy days.

Or if he knocks a sign off the outfield wall while riding around in his four-wheeler.

It's gotta be Doug. The combo of attitude and sideburns is irresistible. And yes, I know that he will lose BOD and never be BOY, but he's a legend in his own mind, and that's all that counts. Plus, I have a soft spot for long Polish names (I went to Duke).

I'm quite certain that this will be an unpopular nomination, but I can't help myself. I have to vote for Barry Bonds, and not just because of his gargantuan, chemically enhanced muscola. Not just because he is batting well over .400, with an onbase percentage that is simply ridiculous. And no, not because of his massive chair, either. It's the warmth. The compassion for his fellow human bein's. The man is like a big old T.C. Bear come to life. Am I wrong? No. I am not.

I think Doug is already a boyfriend, isn't he? Can the readership's boyfriend be someone who has already been chosen, or must he be a new one? Because if it's the latter, I'd like to recommend Torii, if only because he's got to heat up at some point. I will, however, continue to root for Douglas M, who currently appears to be one point behind Shannon.

ThatsRich. I just wanted to add that your proposal caused quite the lively discussion at Casa de Batgirl over dinner this evening. Not only did it have several backers, but you have given the BODSHC an intresting and creative alternative to ponder as she sits in the secure BOD situation room tallying the results.

Dearest Readers,

This is all very interesting, and Batgirl would like to keep this conversation going for the next week or so, so her discerning and perceptive readership has a chance to contribute. Rich's idea, which Batgirl has now had a chance to study more carefully, has indeed given Team Batgirl pause

Dougie indeed belongs to Goober, or rather vice versa, but that does not mean fans of Dougie/Goober cannot simply play along WITH Goober, if that's your kind of thing.

Fondly,
Batgirl

Yes, thank you for recognizing me, Your Pink-Footed Fluffiness.

It is a great honor to be recognized and called upon to make nomination from this hallowed teflon. Today, we are privileged to walk on baseball's Cloud Nine, a cloud that has never before looked so white with the above skies of Minneapolis never so blue, the nearby waters never so clear, and the frothy taps of Hubert's never so pure. I am truly humbled by the surroundings of Champions. Thank you.

Before presenting my nomination, I would like to thank my distinguished colleague, the gentleman ThatsRich, for raising a good point earlier about pitchers. It is this point, a point which I would like to resurrect and upon which I would like to expound, if you will please grant me your patience.

Pitchers are integral to the game. Without ten innings of greatness, without Sweet Music, we'd have little to celebrate. It is the pitcher that has allowed this great franchise -- this great franchise from which players are eligible for Boyfriend of the Day and Boyfriend of the Year nomination -- to proudly hang two World Championship banners for us all to appreciate and honor. It is the pitcher of this great franchise who was awarded MVP for each World Championship. And it is the pitcher, the best pitcher of each league, who has been earning the most recognizable and revered annual postseason award. An award that is also one of the few to bear the name -- and not just any name but the name -- of a Hall of Fame player, Cy Young.

Given that the baseball world holds such a player, a pitcher, in such honor and that this team is but a pennant winner without such a player, the pitcher, The Committee to Hear Nominations for Boyfriend of the Day and the 2004 Boyfriend of the Year must include pitchers under special consideration.

As a pitcher, such as one who is a birth product of our fine neighbors in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, he deserves this special consideration.

It is that this special consideration, which can take into account the fact that this ace, when healthy, has averaged nearly 33 starts per year, 32.875 to be precise. Those starts divided into 162 games equal 4.93 games per start.

Wherefore, let the proposal be presented that upon the awarding of Boyfriend of the Day, a pitcher, a pitcher such as one who has taken the mound with no less than 21 starts per year since he first took the mound in 1995, this pitcher shall be credited for five games toward his Boyfriend of the Year tally.

Please allow me now to present to you, Your Pink-Footed Fluffiness, to Team Batgirl, to all My Distinguished Colleagues -- for all Batgirl readers are distinguished -- of the Massive and Devoted Readership:

For his continued effort and precision as seasons progress, for his professional demeanor on and off the field, for his standing in the community, for his metrosexuality, I hereby nominate in consideration for the Boyfriend of the Day -- from Largo, Florida -- Mister Brad Radke.

If the position players, only Hunter, Jones and Ford seem all that compelling....and they all have there drawbacks. The pitchers all have the problem of not necessarily being eligible everyday.

So, my recommendation would be for the 'Boyfriend' of the readers be....the Bullpen. I know this might have the same fatal flaw as the 'field' option that someone offered, but at least it seems more fair to me. And to be honest, it isn't one boyfriend. I know that. But it could be like one of those stupid reality TV shows when someone dates a whole group of people, and then at the end picks one. The fans would have all year to get to know this mostly new group of folks. And if there is enough potential there, at the end of the year there could be another contest like this to pick the finalist boyfriend from the bullpen.

And it would allow the heterosexual male readers to deceive themselves into thinking that the 'B' in BOD stands for Bullpen. Some of us really do have fragile egos.

PS. I really don't care which boyfriend wins the BOY award...just as long as they are all wearing big, shiny rings at the end of the year. Boyfriends are fine, but the ring's the thing....

>Boyfriends are fine, but the ring's the thing....

Just as BatMom always says....

I want Matt LeCroy

I call him Porkchop

I had a similar idea to Craig's. But, instead of making the bullpen the BOD (being an abstract concept, that doesn't quite seem right), I would put forth a nomination: Aaron Amundson, the bullpen catcher. Both a hottie and creditable for the entire bullpen's successes, Amundson's underdog status (he isn't even listed on the Twins' website) should appear to Batgirl's lurker contingent.

I have reconsidered, and I'd like to throw out another possible nomination...I can't believe I didn't think of this one before. Jeb, the best guy in the world, and the possessor of Batgirl's favorite bat.

Thanks, Russell!

While as a theory I like Mr. Tim's idea, I'm afraid in light of Friday night's performance, selection of the bullpen as a Boyfriend can only lead to heartache and broken dreams.

OOPS

Sorry, incorrect attribution there -- I meant Mr. Craig's idea.

I nominate Lew Ford (even though AJ called him the dumbest man in baseball last year). Sadly, like any other boyfiend, he may disappear without a trace just when the relationship is looking promising...

I'm going to have to put my vote in for Torii. My heart belongs to Doug, but he's taken. All the worthy infielders are taken (if anyone votes for Rivas, then they are obviously Black Sox fans), JJ strikes out too much, and the pitchers just aren't doing it for me.
Plus, Torii is a great guy and he's totally due. Plus, almost all BODs already have effeminate or gender non-specific names (Shannon, Corey/Cori, Joe/Jo). But not Doug. He's ALL MAN.

Though my name does give away my fondness for Doug, I shall choose another boyfriend since he already knows how I feel about him.

My candidate for boyfriend is one of our many Joe's. The Nathanest of Joe's, to coin a phrase first uttered by Batgirl.

Based on the successful completion of 8 of the 9 save opportunities he has accumulated to date,
I am feeling rather sentimental about Joe tonight. He managed to bring a smile to my face, and joy to my heart when he struck out the side in our game against the A's today. With all of the extra inning games and officiating problems on this road trip, it did my heart good to see Joe come through for us yet again.

And so, my nomination of "The Nathanator" is respectfully submitted.

He should've been BOD twice already, and I argued for him both times, but I just don't get BOD fuzzies about Carlos Silva. Maybe once I get to watch him instead of just see his picture on Gameday, he'll grab me the right way. I'll pick him as mine and hope it turns out that way. Otherwise, I'll dump him for Cuddyer around the all-star break.

Ok. Let's be honest with ourselves here.
We all know Torii should be the next boyfriend. Well, he should be MY boyfriend...but I'm gonna lay low until he gets divorced. However, let's think about it. Bud Selig must have Torii's ass printed with a Spiderman logo to promote Spiderman 2 because one....who DOESN"T look at Torii's ass??? (guys, don't even bother trying to deny it) And 2...how the heck does he make those plays??? The mortal world may never know.

He is quite possibly the most popular Twin (atleast to people who know nothing about baseball or Minnesota) simply because he's an excellent outfielder, and he gets the most publicity--most recently the All-Star game. What 5 year old wouldn't jump on the Torii bandwagon after seeing him rob Mr. Barry 'I swear I didn't know it was illegal' Bonds of one of his precious home runs??

And thirdly, quite possibly the most important reason to vote Torii as a new BOD....seeing as all boyfriends must be remotely in this category.
Well, quite frankly...Torii's hot. If you haven't noticed yet, you are either blind, live in Canada or New York, or you simply are denying it.

Vote Torii. He'll make your TV screen a happier place.

My husband just declared his love for Batgirl, so how about a GOD? (Now that's an acronym).

Sorry, Goober. I didn't mean to steal your boyfriend. I'm gonna have to go with my second choice: Torii. That low cap, that big grin. Irresistible.

OldTown wrote:
"For his continued effort and precision as seasons progress, for his professional demeanor on and off the field, for his standing in the community, for his metrosexuality, I hereby nominate in consideration for the Boyfriend of the Day -- from Largo, Florida -- Mister Brad Radke."
------------------

Listen to me, because I only want what's best for you.

Baby, don't sell yourself short by settling for second-best. You really could do so much better than him.

Love,

frightwig

Michael Cuddyer gets my Boyfriend nomination.
He has a great smile, and the potential to be a big hitter and great glove, and a great smile. Of course no one can take the place in my heart that my first Boyfriend has--Frankie "Sweet Music" Viola. I can still vividly remember the games in Dallas--one where I finally got to see him pitch in person, and the one where he came over during warm-ups and signed my baseball card.

I nominate Ron "Chauncey" Gardenhire for Reader BOD. A couple of times already the Twins have won games largely because of Gardy's Loki-like gifts of misdirection regarding pinch hitters and relief pitchers. And just look at the crazy roster choices he's made, and how well they've turned out. Sure, Gardy doesn't go out there on the field and hit the ball around, like the other BsOD, but he could if he needed to, and he contributes as much from the dugout as any player does on the rubber grass. He is the wise old Ben to the Twins' young Lukes, the Papa Smurf who holds the entire mushroom village together with his wisdom and clever wiles. He is the Twins' very own Mr. Miyagi, turning scrawny boys into Karate Kids, and for that I nominate him as Reader BOD.

As a card carrying member of Batgirl’s Extensive and Fanatical Readership, I have to voice my opinion. I've read through the arguements and I I've drawn two conclusions:
1. The intelligence, wisdom and sagacity of Batgirl’s Extensive and Fanatical Readership is exceeded only by team Batgirl itself.
2. The nominees under consideration for the title OBBEFR are Jacque Jones, Torii Hunter, and the rest of the team.

I can understand votes for both players. Each contributes uniquely and invaluably to the team. In casting my vote, I asked my self "What is in a Boyfriend?" As any Fanatical Batgirl Reader knows, it is the Twins player who makes you flushed and giddy whenever they come to bat or make a play. When Jones comes to bat, I shout at the TV or radio "DON'T SWING AT THE FIRST PITCH!!!" Then of course he does. I often see catchers approach pitchers before a Jones at bat. What do they say? "We have the scounting report on this guy. Don't throw a strike. Even if it's 3 and 0. And if possible, throw it in the dirt." In contrast, when Hunter comes to bat, particularly with men in scoring position, I get giddy and flushed. Similarly when I see him track down a fly ball, my heart goes a flutter and my knees become weak. Vote with me, Readership, for my mind is decided: Torii Hunter is my Boyfriend.

FL

Hmm... After careful consideration I think I'll have to nominate Mr Lew Ford for the BOD distinction. He can hit, field pretty well (got himself a BBTN "Web Gem" for last night's Mariners game), and is fun to cheer for, especially in the midst of people who think you're booing him.